Echo of Dusk - Chapter XV
May. 2nd, 2008 05:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wild_terrainTitle: Echo of Dusk
Author: wild_terrain (ie. fi_chan)
Banner:
Chapter: [15/25?]
Rating: M
Genre: AU
Summary: Two men met one cold, winters day. One, a cook's assistant, the other a young lawyer. The year was 1950, when this instant attraction occurred... However, the threat of civil war loomed and the two found themselves faced with the risk of separation. Yunho swore he'd protect JaeJoong at all cost...but sometimes things don't always go the way we want them to. This is the process of two lovers healing each other...
OST for this chapter:
Over My Shoulders – Mika (6.71MB) – DOWNLOAD!!
JaeJoong:
Fog out my daylight, torture my night.
Feels like I'm falling, far out of sight.
Cold, Drunk, Tired, Lost.
Taking a deep breath, my fingers leapt off JaeJoong’s silky back and I pulled his shirt back down. I couldn’t see who was in my tent because the newspaper stand I had built was blocking him from me. That was the second time a newspaper stand had saved my life!
JaeJoong unwrapped his legs from my waist and I helped lower him down as quietly as I could.
“Yes?” I called out, moving away from the stand to meet the man. It was my phone boy – every so often I’d receive a call from the general updating me on the stalemate.
“Phone again for you, Major,” he politely informed me.
“Alright. I’ll take it outside.”
Turning back to JaeJoong, I cleared my throat and frowned, the mocking air of superiority spreading around me. “You are dismissed, private,” I coughed out to my lover.
This mind frame he was in really alarmed me…that he thought his identity had been completely eradicated since the abuse he endured had occurred. I definitely didn’t blame him…being in a foreign country and knowing every single North Korean hated you and wouldn’t think twice about killing you…it would have really unsettled me.
Okay, so unsettled is completely the wrong adjective, more like terrified out of my skin. Not to mention being touched in intimate places whilst not knowing when or if it would ever end. That would have terrified me even more so.
The unknown…
The darkest period of my life so far, apart from finding JaeJoong so broken, was definitely that sense of the unknown – was the man I adored alive or dead? That ‘unknown’ had torn my soul apart. But even that seemed so trivial in comparison to what JaeJoong would have gone through. His ‘unknown’ was whether he’d live or die each day and if he’d ever get to taste liberty again.
An experience like that is almost unimaginable. It was no wonder that despite his strong way of dealing with everything, his weak subconscious still could not block the nightmares he had of being stuck in
Maybe I had been treating him like something brittle… It hadn’t occurred to me before. It was just that this incredible need to protect him from everything overcame me… But I know no matter how much I wished it I would never be able to protect him from the past.
This was the first time he’d ever really spoken to me about what happened. He thought he was strong enough to keep it mostly all to himself. I however, thought that he was an idiot. But I couldn’t force him to tell me anything and…maybe there really was some part of me which would wither away if he ever told me. I had complained about my torturous imagination poisoning my perception of the abuse but… I am scared to know the truth. I’d know exactly what pain he went through; there would be no more ‘what ifs’ to secure me but cold truths. And then I know I’d try and imagine those as well… And the fact that he couldn’t even tell me anything showed how bad it would have been.
He was trying to get over it by pushing it out of his mind. I wish I could do the same. But it was just too hard to do when the consequences were flaunted in front of my face every day. He still ate small amounts, his still didn’t sleep properly, he still needed medicine from Hangeng, he still got jumpy when people came too close and he definitely still refused to leave the tent. He hadn’t left the tent for several weeks! I was a little concerned as to how he’d fare returning to
I wandered aimlessly towards the medical tent, letting out the sigh that had been building up.
I know you’re strong my love, but when will you realise that the weight you’re carrying is just too much for one man alone…
Yunho came back into the tent later that evening. I didn’t notice at first because I had been deeply absorbed by the newspaper I was reading. Changmin and I had spent all afternoon debating over the various old articles we had come across in the newspaper…so much in fact that my head had started spinning.
As soon as Yunho appeared, Changmin reluctantly got off the floor and gave me the usual special goodbye handshake we had created.
I gazed up at Yunho’s patronising expression and scowled. “It’s cute!”
“It’s pointless and childish.”
“Yehhh, I forgot boring old men such as yourself don’t appreciate the genuine exchange of human affection and creativity through such simplistic, juvenile methods. Why use the ingenious handshake when you can slap someone on the back and roar a mighty, impressive laughter to display manly fondness. Yes…I do see your point about how childish a handshake is compared to that. Old fart.”
“You’re older!”
“Only physically! Mentally I am a healthy young boy. Personally, I prefer my mind.”
Yunho sighed and dropped down onto the bed, his face disappearing into the folds of the pillow.
“What’s up with you?” I asked as I stared down at him.
“I don’t feel like quarrelling with you right now.”
“You think I do?” I retorted in mild amusement.
He remained silent and I wondered whether he had fallen asleep like that or not. I reached out to start untying his shoelaces and pulled his boots off for him.
“Thank you, housewife,” I heard him tiredly mumble into the pillow. He groaned when I smacked his butt for such a disrespectful comment.
“Well since you are kindly taking over the expanse of the whole bed, I’ll just sleep on the floor.”
“Okay. Goodnight.”
“OI! Yunho!” I protested angrily.
“Oh…was that a hint to move over?”
“What else would it have been?!” I drawled.
“Dunno. God himself would have trouble interpreting your brain waves.”
I picked up the newspaper I had been reading and pegged it at the back of his head.
“Hey!” he exclaimed, eyes widening as his head swung up to look at me.
“Assaulted by a paper from your own newspaper stand…” I solemnly replied. He didn’t seem too amused though…
“Aren’t you glad your stand has multipurpose?” I couldn’t help but continue teasing. “It acts as a pretty reminder of our first meeting place, it plunges me into deep unconsciousness whenever I accidentally smash into it at night, it acts as an entertainment medium for those boring days when your brain is just tingling for some literary exposure, and now it’s a handy ally for me when you start teasing me with no remorse!” I trilled.
He remained resting over the bed with his eyes closed.
“What’s wrong, babe?” I sighed. “You’re not laughing at my jokes.”
“I never laugh at your jokes.”
“Now now,” I chuckled, sitting next to him on the bed. I reached out and stroked his forehead gently, peering curiously at his worn face.
“I’m sorry. I’m really tired,” he explained.
“I know,” I softly confirmed, continuing to caress his face.
“That feels nice…”
I smiled and let my fingers continue to lull him to sleep.
“Get under the covers, babe,” I instructed softly and then crawled in beside him.
This wasn’t the first time I had seen him so exhausted. He put so much of his energy and soul into whatever he did. I’m sure dealing with me wasn’t helping his energy levels either…
“You drain my energy, Joongie…” he tiredly murmured. I froze for a few seconds paranoid that somehow he had gained the ability to read everything in my mind, but then I felt my lips curving into a smile at the absurdity.
“Do I?”
“Yep. You’ve completely emotionally drained me.”
“I’m sorry,” I grinned.
“Mmm. Do me a favour and wake me up tomorrow morning with a kiss like a normal boyfriend. Don’t give me heart attacks and those woeful eyes.”
“I’ll promise to resist the urge,” I assured him, draping my arm over him and leaning in closer to feel his warm body. In turn, he half rolled over as well in order to hold me.
As I closed my eyes I was surprised to feel his warm hands on my body. They had dipped under my shirt to rest on the top of my waist. It felt so strange…it was hard to stop my heart from racing.
What surprised me most of all was how much I was actually liking it. Since everything that had happened to me had forced a change in our relationship, we hadn’t been too sensual with each other. But I liked it…I liked his fingers caressing my bare skin.
Soon I could feel his hand growing heavier against my hip. He had fallen asleep and now I was supporting his dead weight. But as I concentrated on the sensation I realised that I wasn’t feeling dirty.
On a daily basis I often felt this constant anger towards the skin lying over my bones, but there was one patch that was suddenly immune to that fury…the patch under his fingers. It was a patch of shining silver peeking through the muddy surface that was my body.
I held my breath and slowly shifted my posture until Yunho’s hand slipped down across my belly. Another smear of sparking silver.
The mud…that thick mud covering me and making me feel so filthy was slowly being wiped away…
I knew I needed more. I needed Yunho’s hand to fall over the other parts of my skin…
I moved backwards until my back hit the canvas of the tent’s wall. Sitting up I tried to ignore the butterflies eating away at the walls of my stomach. Some had even escaped and were flittering anxiously against my belly trying to get out…or at least that’s what I thought had happened as I started unbuttoning my shirt.
Swallowing the large lump in my throat I began to slowly slide the material off my shoulder. I flinched as my bare skin suddenly met with the cool, night air. I was finally exposed again.
I carefully tossed the shed material behind me and lowered myself back onto the sheets. The bed cover was still swimming around my waist and I pulled it up over my cold chest to protect myself from the air.
My heart was pounding so fast it was aching behind my ribcage. Is this what it felt like for a young woman losing her virginity? People always seemed to make a big deal out if it and I could finally understand why…
Feeling around for where Yunho’s hand had dropped, I carefully felt the soft fingers lying over the sheet. And then I picked it up. When I eventually pressed it against my chest, I could feel his fingers narrowly missing my nipple.
My mouth was growing dryer as I let all the new sensations sink in. The soft sheets lightly pressing against my bare skin…his warmth melting the mud on my chest… It was all beautifully exhilarating.
My manipulation of his hands was slowly chipping his subconscious away and soon he was fidgeting in an early awakening. Still in a state of shallow slumber his hands began to move over me on their own accord and I closed my eyes, trying to continue breathing.
Just as his thumb swept over my nipple possessively, a chain reaction occurred – I flinched in both pleasure and fear, throwing him out of his disoriented mind to finally gain awareness of his surroundings.
His hand leapt off my chest as if it had been burned. Or tainted.
My cheeks reddened in humiliation at his disgust. Yes it’s me you were touching, are you now in a living nightmare?
The mud was dripping off his hands and he could obviously feel it. He hadn’t wanted to touch me after all… How he wished I hadn’t tricked him.
I moved away as far as I could so that my bare arm was no longer pressed against his chest, drowning in a deeper humiliation. I was so confused… this morning Yunho had giving me such a grand speech about not being repulsed by me or ever being disgusted. So what was this treatment? Why had the feeling of my bare chest scared him away so quickly? Did he think he felt a certain way but really feel the opposite in his subconscious?
This reaction of his…it hurt.
I could feel the mattress below us shifting as Yunho sat up on his elbow to look over at me. But my eyes were closed in a false imitation of sleep. I felt him lie back down in relief upon seeing my vacant, sleeping face… He was glad I hadn’t been conscious through his shameful groping…because that way he could forget he’d ever laid hands on the filth of his boyfriend’s skin.
Better go disinfect your hand now, Yunho. Better yet, go burn the skin off completely so that the mud can’t slip through the pores and infect your blood like how it has done to me.
I didn’t move for the rest of the night, choosing to stare blankly at the dark canvas in front of my nose. The depressing, heavy burden of my abandonment was crushing my poor heart. I had finally been abandoned by the one person I thought would always be holding my hand… I was once more a lost child left to wander the moor, eternally alone.
Once Yunho left for breakfast in the morning, I hurriedly bolted upright to hide my shameful skin with my discarded shirt. Never again… NEVER again would I let my guard down and dare to hope that things were different.
He was a kind man, my Yunho. He would never admit it to my face because he wouldn’t want to hurt me. But his subconscious disgust of my naked body told me everything his mouth didn’t have the heart to say.
I wonder if he noticed my quietness throughout the rest of the day. When he came in for lunch he tried making small talk but eventually drifted into silence when he sensed I wasn’t in the mood for speech.
“Sorry…”
“For what?”
“No, nevermind…” he sighed.
I stared down at my lunch wishing the atmosphere wasn’t so awkward. “These crackers are stale…”
“Hmm? Well you can never please a cook,” he teased.
I nodded, not feeling too in the mood for humour. He got up soon after to kiss me on the cheek before he returned to whatever his duty was.
I stood up from the bed and wandered slowly towards the entrance of the tent, peeking though the canvas to watch him walk away with the plates.
I wished I had the ability to read his mind…it would make things so much easier. Then I’d know for sure what was going on.
Sighing and shaking my head I let the canvas slip from my fingers and wandered sadly back towards my bed. On the way however, my sloppy walking sent my arm smashing into the hard edges of the stand. I cursed and lifted my arm up to inspect the damage. A strip of skin had been grazed off, the tiny droplets of blood slowly forming on the surface.
As I observed my stinging arm, a state of calm washed over me. This sudden wound was having the strangest effect on me… I felt good. This new pain was overriding the hurt I felt in my heart. For once I was able to feel something else.
I sank onto the bed still gazing at my tiny wound thoughtfully. To think that such a tiny thing could offer so much…
Finally I closed my eyes contently and welcomed the sleep back.
That night was the second night I spent lying next to Yunho without trying to get up for a cigarette.
I was being held down by painful memories. The source of all my pain was eating away at my mind and I suddenly lay victim to the torturous images being burned into my conscious.
The first night… I lost my wings.
I hadn’t understood what was happening. I’d spent a few days before that travelling with them, my hands bound and my mouth gagged. I don’t remember much about those days…only that I was sick with confusion and loneliness. My yearning for Yunho had been so suffocating that it had been the only thing I could think about as I was led far away.
They tried questioning me but I wasn’t of much help to them so they threw me into a dark room without giving any explanation of what was going to happen to me. I thought they were going to try and question me again when soldiers next walked into the room but I was wrong. They had stripped my pants away and still I didn’t understand what was happening.
I had been so shocked when I felt someone’s hard member digging into me. I could practically feel each layer of flesh being broken through as he moved too roughly. My bottom had been set on fire and the burning never subsided. Even when they finished with me the embers would remain smouldering.
The pain had been so strong that it had blocked out all my other thoughts. I couldn’t even think about Yunho and how I felt I was betraying him. Only after the first few soldiers finished with me, and I was left panting on the cold, dirty floor did I start to think about my predicament. The moment my skin had hit the floor I had known how dirty I had suddenly become. And every day the coating of mud got thicker and thicker until it covered all my skin, as thick and hard as marble.
I was stuck in a marble body even though I was rejecting such a sensation. I couldn’t be free of it. Last night I had thought that maybe Yunho was the key… I foolishly believed that he had the power to cut it away until my old skin was peeking through again. But Yunho couldn’t do it…because he didn’t want to sacrifice his beautiful skin to touch my muddy marble.
He rejected me, just as I had rejected myself.
There was no longer any hope for me.
I tried to swallow but there was something lodged in my throat. I couldn’t break it… I couldn’t breathe. The pain was violently swirling around within me again. I prayed for something to make it all end. A new pain. I needed a new pain!
Reaching over Yunho with shaking hands, I desperately grabbed the belt he always wore. With anxious fingers I felt along the worn leather until I had found what I was looking for.
I needed to sever away my heart so I would stop feeling so much! And then maybe the rest of my skin as well. It all needed to go. So that I could finally be rid of the muddy marble and be beautiful again.
I flinched as the knife broke through the skin of my chest. This pain…it was very welcome. I was being consumed by the emotional pain of my lover rejecting my body; this physical pain was a very good distraction.
Once the stream of blood was starting to soak through the material of my shirt I finally started groaning in pain.
I lay flat down onto the bed and pulled the covers up over me to hide everything. This pain was nice, but if Yunho saw it, he wouldn’t understand.
He was asleep, facing me as always. He actually looked a little worried…as if he could sense what was happening but couldn’t break free from his sleep to do anything.
He was so handsome. Why had he abandoned me too? I could handle God abandoning me because I had lost faith in such a deity a long time ago. But Yunnie… I had believed in him. He had made me believe in him only to discard me.
I gripped the knife in my hidden hand angrily, smirking lifelessly as the blade cut through the skin of my fingers as well.
Feeling my anger continuing to simmer deep within me, I momentarily dropped the blade and pulled my hand out from its sanctuary to wipe the tiny layer of blood across Yunho’s cheek. He looked like some warrior now… A cold, cruel warrior. I’ve exposed you, Yunho… I smirked.
I lifted my bloody fingers up from his skin once I felt him shifting under my touch. I hurriedly ducked my hand under the cover and picked up the knife possessively. It was mine; he couldn’t take this from me as well.
He had definitely awakened… I could feel him moving closer to me. Too close. His hip smashed into the corner of the knife I still grasped and he yelped. I felt cool air over my body as the covers were thrown back.
It was still really dark so Yunho couldn’t have seen anything even if he had wanted to. But instead I felt his hands pounding down onto the sheets and mattress violently, feeling around. He must have felt the sticky red substance of my pain because everything went into chaos after that.
“JAEJOONG!” he was screaming, stealing the knife from my hands and throwing it onto the floor. I was being lifted up over his back. I couldn’t see what was happening, but I could hear his panting.
“HANGENG!” he was screaming falling into the medical tent with me.
“NO!” I helplessly yelled, breaking out of my trance. “NO GIVE IT BACK! I NEED TO CUT IT ALL OFF!”
“JaeJoong, you are scaring me!” he cried out, tumbling flat onto the ground as I fell out of his grasp. We were waking up the whole medical tent but neither of us gave a damn.
“GIVE IT BACK, YUNHO! I’LL BE BEAUTIFUL AGAIN, I PROMISE! BUT I CAN’T BE BEAUTIFUL UNLESS I CUT IT ALL OFF!”
“JaeJoong!” He cried, his eyes filled with terror and worry.
“Yunho go! Leave him!” Hangeng was pleading, trying to stop my chest from bleeding.
“NO!” I yelled, trying to hit Hangeng. I was trying to stab him but there was nothing in my hands.
“YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE HERE!” I screamed, trying to get away from Hangeng’s restraining hands. He pushed me onto my back and I felt lots of people suddenly grabbing my limbs to pin me properly down to the ground.
“Don’t hurt him!” I could hear Yunho pleading from somewhere. Where was he? I needed to see him!
“YUNHO!” I cried, trying to escape from all the hands holding me down. I closed my eyes as their pressure increased and screamed as loud as I could when I was suddenly stripped of my garments. Hangeng started to tightly wrap the bandage around my bleeding chest and shoulders.
“Yunho-sshi, you have to go! Just for a little bit! He needs to calm down!” Hangeng instructed anxiously.
“NO, DON’T GO!” I screamed, kicking at the hands holding my legs down. In my panic I broke out of their grasp but Hangeng was grabbing my waist. I pushed him away with every single ounce of strength and scrambled away towards the medical tent’s entrance. But Hangeng was grabbing my bandage like a leash to pull me back.
Yunho looked frightened. Why was he frightened? Why was he scared of me? Don’t be scared of me, my beloved!
I reached out to him with my bloody hand but he bolted out of the tent and I fell to the ground, wailing. Hangeng was on top of me to hold me down and I screamed even louder trying to get out from underneath him. I needed space…SPACE.
I buried my head into the ground and sobbed until my whole body was shaking. Hangeng refused to get off me until all I could do was sob into my arms.
“Shush, little one,” he whispered, stroking my hair. My chest was burning from where I had cut it.
“I’m crazy…” I wept over and over again. Hangeng continued to pat my head until I had stopped hyperventilating.
“Yunho…” I sobbed. “Yunho…Yunho…Yunho…”
Someone was sticking something into me. Was it a needle? Or was it another knife? Was someone finally hearing my prayers and cutting the rest of my skin off? Thank you… Thank you…
I fell into darkness.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
My hands covered my face. I was still so shocked I couldn’t stop shaking. Someone was trying to give me coffee but I knew I wouldn’t be able to even hold the mug.
“He’s okay now…” Changmin was telling me. The boy had been woken up in all of the commotion and had strangely come to me. I think most of the camp was now awake.
“My bed is covered in his blood. I am covered in his blood.”
“I know…” the younger man softly replied.
“I can’t go back in there…”
“The medical tent?”
“No… Mine. I don’t want to see it… Please do something about it.”
“People are already cleaning it up, Yunho,” Changmin comforted, rubbing my back continuously.
“It wasn’t my fault!”
“I know.”
“I didn’t know he had it. I didn’t think he’d ever…”
“No one is blaming you, Yunho.”
“Why is he doing this to me?!”
“He’s in pain. His head is messed up. How could it not be? He just had a rough moment… The doctor said he needs to stay there for a bit in case he tries it again. I guess he’s classified as an unstable potential-suicide case now…”
“He told me he wouldn’t try to do that anymore…”
“He’s tried it before?”
“Not like that. Nothing like that. One of the North Korean rebels threatened to shoot him and he was going to let them.” I could barely summon any breath to tell Changmin the story.
“Oh my…”
“He has to go back…”
“To your tent?”
“Home. His home. Back to his family.”
“But…”
“I’ve been so selfish…keeping him here. I thought I could help him but clearly I can’t. I just disappoint him over and over again and I don’t have enough time to check on him and…”
“Yunho, this happened in the early morning, no one would have been awake to stop him. You’re not super man.”
“Yes, I am not superman. He has to go back home. If he had been any other soldier I would have enforced his early release but… I thought I could cure everything for him. I wanted him here with me. I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid and selfish!”
“It’s not selfishness… You were worried about him; you didn’t want to let him go. You’d want to be there with him to make sure he got back safely. I would have done the same thing; waited until it ended…”
“I’ve made him worse.”
“No you haven’t.”
“Changmin, please deliver a message to Hangeng-sshi for me. Please let him know that I am discharging Kim JaeJoong. He’ll be given twenty-four hours to prepare, and you will be escorting him back.”
“Yunho…”
“You will refer to me as Major and you will obey my orders, private.”
“Yes Major…” he sighed, slowly getting up and disappearing from my vision.
I covered my face with my hands once more. I couldn’t look down… I couldn’t handle having to see his blood marring my uniform anymore.
Wandering hesitantly back into my quiet tent I immediately stripped all my clothes off. The frame of my bed mirrored my bareness. No sheets remained on it…it was just lying there vulnerable, just like me.
The newspaper stand lay smashed up on the ground from when I had pushed it aside to rush JaeJoong to Hangeng. I stepped over the crinkled pages and then kicked the scattered pile in all directions.
I fell onto the hard bed frame and covered my face once more. How had this happened? For gods sake, a few nights ago I had remembered making him promise that he’d wake me up with a kiss like a normal lover… And now I was being awakened with blood? WHY! Why had he stolen my knife to cut himself? Or had he been trying to cut me? It certainly had been angled in my direction before I had ripped it from his grasp.
“FUCK!” I yelled, smashing my forehead into my fingers.
I tried to breathe properly as I looked back up at the messy tent. Everything was now in disarray. I had to pack his things up…
I knew I couldn’t say goodbye…if I saw him then I would change my mind and everything would worsen again. I had to let him go now. Maybe when the war ended I’d be able to see him again somehow. I didn’t know where he lived but maybe I could find his records and get his address. I don’t know…
I just knew that I couldn’t say goodbye to him. It would make things too hard. My closure would just have to be packing all his things up.
What things? He had no things! He had just had me. And some stupid old newspaper!
I let out a shaky breath and tumbled off the uncomfortable bed frame to fall onto the floor. I wandered around on my hands and knees lifelessly to search for that one newspaper. Once I had found it half lodged under the stand, I pulled it out and grabbed a pen. I bent over the crumpled paper and searched for a blank space to write my goodbye message to him.
Trying to resist the tears building up in my vulnerable eyes I left the newspaper out for Changmin and changed into another uniform.
I still couldn’t calm down.
Rolling onto the messy, chaotic arrangement of newspapers I made a bed for myself and lay down, staring at the top of the tent. The sun was starting to burn through it and that patch of sun, blinding my eyes, was all I could focus on for many, many hours.
Goodbye my love. Be brave. You’ll get better. Until we meet again there will not be one second when I am not thinking about you and wishing for your happiness to return.
I love you.
-Your Yunho
///TBC///
A/N: I’m so sorry for the horrendous cliff hanger. I feel your pain, really I do.
Also, due to my horrible habit of writing chapters too long for their own good, it’s getting increasingly difficult to type it all up weekly SO…I’ve got no other option but to update fortnightly T_T. But since this chapter ended at such a shitty time, I’ll make an exception this time and update next week ^^
Comments lovies? ^^
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no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 07:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 07:13 am (UTC)Oi, don't bag out fone boiiii. You know you wanna have a relationship with him ^_~
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 08:16 am (UTC)Lady, you better do someting. Don't let Yunho 'chase' Jae away. Make him understand what Jae is trying to do...and 'save' him before it is too late.
This is getting me worked up....need another good chapter to 'cool' me. Pls update soon!
no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 06:17 am (UTC)Yeh it seems likely that JaeJoong would be really affected by Yunho's choice of action. Discharging him really would look like he was getting rid of him... it's not about misinterpretation in this instance but what message an action like that WOULD send to most people. Aish Yunnie...
hahaha, yes I pretty much wrote the next chapter instantaneously... this fork wasn't supposed to happen at all in the original plot so even I was freaked out by the escalation of events. But after considering both paths I could go down I made my choice. Hopefully I made the RIGHT choice haha.
*hands you a cold drink to cool you down* the next part will be on its way *huggles* ^^
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 09:16 am (UTC)*bangs head on the wall*
no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 06:18 am (UTC)I'm feeling the craziness too! This wasn't supposed to happen in the original plot!!! haha
What to do, what to do... >
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 09:23 am (UTC)I feel so sad for them. I wonder if Yunho's going to make a right decision and how Jae is going to react. You're doing amazing job with this fic. I don't know how people who have been raped actually behave, but I'm quite sure you've succeeded well at writing about it. Aww, it's so sad how they think that they're the cause of other's pain.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 06:21 am (UTC)I think we can all imagine what JaeJoong's reaction to that would be. He's not gonna be a very happy chappy... >_<
Ahh yeh, I don't claim to know how it would feel either. I suppose every instance would be different to everyone... And the extremity of JaeJoong's... AHHHH so horrifying.
Awww thanks so much! <333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 10:06 am (UTC)This chapter is such an emotional roller coaster! First, I was jumping with joy with the positive outlook that their relationship is heading and Jaejoong getting better and stuff, but you had to end it like this! I guess Jaejoong hasn't really let go, but it's not his fault. No one would be able to let go so easily after what has happened. GAH!
Now, I really waiting for the next chapter! Please don't send Jaejoong home!!! NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 06:26 am (UTC)Exams...pah, evil things set to ruin us and fill out brains with too much detail... And we can never be tested on what we know best.. Me, bitter? Never. :P
Oh yeh you got that right, and I hate rollercoasters so much - be it physical or emotional haha.
No one would be able to let go so easily after what has happened. GAH!
Amen to that, sister. But eventually... :D
LOL yeh, this wasn't in the original plan so even I was freaking out over Yunho coz I didn't even have a clue what was gonna happen XD
Thanks lovey! <3
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 10:12 am (UTC)I can feel the pain, too... Oh my god. The precedent chapter was so great and now all is in darkness.
What is Jaejoong doing ? Why ? I know that Yunho was just afraid of touching him because Jaejoong said himself that he couldn't stand physical contact anymore...
But Jaejoong, he..! How can he thinks that ?
Yes he is in pain, his mind is confused...
And when he's going to know that he has to go back to his family, he is going to think that it's over, that Yunho doesn't love him anymore, that he is a dirty whore... And he is going to understand that beacause, yes Yunho, you are true...?
I wish that I'm wrong !
Please wake up Jaejoong, you're going to lose Yunho who has done all he could for you.
And what is going to happen to Yunho ? Poor him, he couldn't understand Jaejoong's reaction. It's strange I don't know if I understand yunho or if I understand Jaejoong...
Ah, it's so horrible, you're so talented for the description... Really, congratulation for this chapter, it was... intense.
Now I'm afraid...Please, post soon...
<3
no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 06:31 am (UTC)In times like this I guess the title of this fic is really fitting ^^;;
Yep yep I can't picture JaeJoong reacting in any other way. I don't forward to seeing his reaction at all T_T
Yunho's just as confused, eh. JaeJoong acting all normal and then suddenly cutting himself... real brain killer. If they do have to part then I hope Yunho can at least understand why. T_T
It's strange I don't know if I understand yunho or if I understand Jaejoong...
hehe, a bit off both isn't too bad ^^
Awww, thanks so much~~~~ <333
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 12:05 pm (UTC)Okay now on to the second reason why I shouldn't smack them both on the back of their heads if I was somehow given the power to do so because this is their dilemma to figure out, and I think what is lacking in between them is communications, because the actions they showed eachother obviously was wrongly interpreted. Yunho reacted so strongly after waking up to find a half-naked Jae under his hand had feel remorse and not disgusted (that my friend I know for a fact and if you try and contradict my in anyway, I will hunt you down and....well, I'll figure that part out when I get there, lol). Yunho had thought the did something that was forbidden, and with that simple task, he would have thought that Jae would have been disgusted at him for violating the trust that he had worked so hard to built in between them. He had thought that Jae didn't want to be touched that way and so did everything in his power to touch Jae that way, unbeknown to him, his touch was what cleanse Jae and so Jae was seeking more of it without his knowledge. You see, this problem would have been solved and not lead to Jae cutting himself due to the emotional pain he had felt when he thought Yunho is disgusted at him and had finally abandon him like he had thought alla long if they talked but then again how to you get one very pridefull young man to talk about his pain and ask for help. Everything that Yunho had done so far he had to figure out by himself, and he is smart and all but damn give the guy some help here. I know Joongie had every right to refuse to tell him what had happened to him in the one year they had been apart and how he was attacked, but that doesn't Joongie can't count on Yunho, he is after all risked his rank and his life to find Jae. I feel like the root of the problem is Jae's insecurities with Yunho still, it's almost feel like he had always anticipated Yunho not really there with him to begin with, and after the morning talked, he somewhat believed that Yunho does truly love him and would be there for him, but subconsciously he expected Yunho to leave him at any minute, and now that self-proclaimed prophecy is coming true, all because of understanding. Jae had want to once again purify himself for Yunho and Yunho is sending him away because he had thought he was suffocating Jae. Sending Jae away will cause even more irreparable damage I think. Hopefully Min and come to the rescue!! Since he had great verbal skills, talking through that think skull of Jae would somewhat enlighten the stubborn kid.
This is great as usual, and I am so full of words because I once again had this with cereal and skipped my morning run so I am coherent, lol. I can't wait for more update. I would say more if I am not rushed to the grocery store at 7 in the morning my a very strong and dominating creature in my life know as "mom"
Love you dear, can't wait for more.
Ha ha, long as usual for your liking my love.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 10:03 am (UTC)One is so super careful that it's misunderstood as not caring enough, one is over-interpreting everything that he thinks he is suffocating the other.
Awww I love that description!
Yehhh you wish you could personally come over and slap some sense into them. I'm sure they wouldn't know what hit them, kekeke.
Mmm so true, their lack of communication seems to be a reoccurring event. I wonder if they will ever learn...?
Yunho had thought the did something that was forbidden, and with that simple task, he would have thought that Jae would have been disgusted at him for violating the trust that he had worked so hard to built
Perhaps, perhaps. Jae even seemed to realise to some degree that was the case... Like when he decided Yunho "was glad I hadn’t been conscious through his shameful groping" but then that paranoid idiot completely turned it into something else altogether in the next breath! *bangs head* lol
Everything that Yunho had done so far he had to figure out by himself, and he is smart and all but damn give the guy some help here.
Yehh that foes for the both of them I guess. Wouldn't life be so much easier if we could acquire help manuals or something. All Jae and Ho can do is keep trying and learning from the mistakes I guess ><
subconsciously he expected Yunho to leave him at any minute, and now that self-proclaimed prophecy is coming true
Yeh it does seem that this seems to be part of the root of Jae's problems. I wonder when he'll stop this mind frame... I guess it is hard to train your subconscious...
Sending Jae away will cause even more irreparable damage I think
Yeh...even someone with a less paranoid POV would interpret Yunho's action as something bad. I'm not looking forward to seeing Jae's reaction... ><
Awww you skipped your morning jog? Well I guess you could say you exercised your mind at least, hehehe.
rushed to the grocery store at 7 in the morning my a very strong and dominating creature in my life know as "mom"
Bwahahaha so hilarious! My dad is even worse... JUST as I had written JJs freak out in this chapter he lugged me off to get groceries and since all this wasn't planned in the original plot (damn my fingers had a mind of their own! I didn't even know what was happening so I can definitely say I had a heart attack along with all of you XD) I was left to wander the shops like a zombie thinking "OMFG YUNHO WHAT ARE YOU DOING! HOW DO I FIX THIS?!!" hahaha
Yes yes, thanks for the long comment lovey! ILU as always! <333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 12:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 10:13 am (UTC)Yeh Jae's paranoia strikes back. He'd make a great string of movie sequels eh!! XD
I can't imagine JaeJoong taking Yunho's actions as anything but bad either... T_T
Probably even a less paranoid person would still think Yunho was trying to get rid of them, eh. I'm not looking forward to JJs reaction...
Thanks for always reading lovey!! <33
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 12:55 pm (UTC)i realy hope u'l update soon!
too sad to leave it at dat
promise u'l make it better?
no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 10:20 am (UTC)Jae's paranoia strikes back again ><
To be honest, this wasnt even supposed to happen. So even I was having heart attacks and unsure of what was gonna happen. There were obviously two ways I could have gone with this plot fork... and hopefully Ive made the right decision... ><
Thanks for reading hun! <333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 01:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 10:27 am (UTC)*sends over packages of tissue boxes in express post* lol
Ack I guess my secret is I have too many damn emotions. That and my evil ipod can manipulate me so badly hahaha
Don't worry, even though I now apparently have responsibility over your sanity, I will take good care of it, I promise :P
Thanks so much lovey! <333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 01:46 pm (UTC)(this is not even flangst... This is Drangst XD)
JaeJoong's still suffering from all he has been through. It's understandable, but now I'm really wondering if someone can help him heal... By someone, I mean his own family. Even Yunho failed...
I NEED FLUFF I NEED FLUFF I NEED FLUFF *echo*
Btw, the knife part was scary. And this line:
“GIVE IT BACK, YUNHO! I’LL BE BEAUTIFUL AGAIN, I PROMISE! BUT I CAN’T BE BEAUTIFUL UNLESS I CUT IT ALL OFF!”
I almost cried. Almost, because I'm heartless... But you are truly talented for describing JaeJoong's despair.
Thank you for this chapter. I'm feeling down right now, but thank you XD
<3
no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 10:38 am (UTC)Drangst? Reminds me of a harry potter pairing for some reason ^_~ hehe. Well...my flangst is still alive and well so by all means look forward to it soon :D
but now I'm really wondering if someone can help him heal... By someone, I mean his own family. Even Yunho failed...
Oh how I mirror that thought. He's definitely a complex being... *hugs Joongie*
I NEED FLUFF TOO, I NEED FLUFF TOO, I NEED FLUFF TOOOOO :D
You're heartless? awwww no. But it seems I need to high-five myself for getting close? I'll crack you one day my deary, just you wait ^___~. *jokes*
I'm feeling down right now, but thank you XD
DUDE you're as hilarious as always. You want to thank me for making you feel crap. Love ittttt. Well no worries my love, anytime ^_~
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 01:47 pm (UTC)i got me crying... :(( srsly;
i can feel their pain... especially jae's pain...
my heart prickles, it hurts; really...
and the jaeho are they really going to separate again?
how i wish yunho, i could be all honest with jae about his thoughts and feelings, so things wouldn't be complicated...
hey, update sooooooooooooon, pls..........?????
cliff hanger :(:(:(
[hugs you tight] thanks for updating [sori for the sad comment, couldn't help it
no subject
Date: 2008-05-05 10:47 am (UTC)*sends you express mail packages of tissues*
Thank you SO much for feeling the emotions in this fic. It really does mean a lot!
Yeh my heart hurts as well when I write this... But I've started recooking my infamous FLANGST recipes so my heart doesnt experience any more pain ><
The lack of communication between those two is started to become a reoccurring theme, eh. I hope they can beat it!
I'll be updating soon enough, never fear ^__^
*huggle* Thanks so much~~
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 02:40 pm (UTC)You can't finish like that ! Aish I hate cliffhangers... >.< *frustrated*
I'm not good to express my feelings (even in French, my native language, it's hard for me to tell what i feel, so in english it's quite difficult ^^;;;), so I'm not going to write a great comment like everybody here.
Actually, I started to read your fiction around 2 months ago and I'm totally addicted right now. When I first read the summary (a loooong time ago xD) I thought "a fiction about war... i won't like it !" I don't know why I hate all those kind of stories BUT I thought about it again. One day I had nothing to do, I was searching for something to read when I saw your fiction (with that poster that I love so much <333). Perhaps I was so desperate to read something that I changed my mind so I told myself "why not?" (that's sound rude to say it like that >.< sorry). And OMFG I truly don't regret to read your story. I'm so addicted that the night after I started to read it, I dreamed about it. I'm a crazy girl ! Somebody, kill me now xD
Aish i'm rambling T.T
To go to the point, I love your story. It's really intense, the way you write is amazing. We can feel every feelings, you describe everything so well. Every time I read I'm INTO the story. Well I don't know how to explain it. It's just like if I was the characters, I feel all of their feelings (i'm a sponge...). At the end I'm always so confused because everything I felt during the reading is still half in me and half away from me. It's not reality but you made me feel so much things that I'm overwhelmed. And I found really interesting to have different POV, to understand all their feelings(though i don't like changmin a lot it was good to understand why he acted like that toward yunho).
Anyway, the way your fiction goes, is just wonderful. At first I never thought they would go through all those difficulties and horrid things. Their story was beautiful in spite of the war, and I was convinced that something was going to break them. But not that...
In the last chapter I was happy to see that they started to found some issues to all that mess. But after reading that chapter... I feel so sad. I'm angry because Jaejoong misunderstood Yunho that night and because he hurt himself to fight his pain, though Yunho is there for him. And I'm angry because Yunho failed to help him, and decided to let him go back home. That could be good for Jaejoong but on the other side I think he couldn't live without Yunho, maybe he would think he's abandoning him... I don't know.
Well... I don't think you understand a word of all that babbling (it's hell to explain my feelings and my point of view xD i read it without problems but i really can't use English) so i'm sorry xD
Thank you so much to write such a wonderful story, and thanks for that chapter which stunned me again. I think I'm in love with you, you made me totally addicted to your story xD
no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 09:49 am (UTC)Oh cool~ another French reader! It's times like this that I really wish I had some awesome bi-lingual skills as well... So I admire you a lot for being so fluent in english!!
Hahaha don't worry, you're not the first person to tell me that they initially didn't want to read because it was war themed. I know war isn't exactly the most pleasing thought. It just makes me happy that sometimes people actually do give it a try! ^_^
WOAH you dreamed about it! That's so unbelievable! Wow! I haven't even dreamed about it yet... XD
Awww, it's great that you feel like the characters. I feel so happy hahaha.
I'm angry because Jaejoong misunderstood Yunho that night and because he hurt himself to fight his pain, though Yunho is there for him. And I'm angry because Yunho failed to help him, and decided to let him go back home.
I lovvvvve how you describe it! I'm feeling it too! So much frustration for the two... But things will get better, I swear :D
I think I'm in love with you, you made me totally addicted to your story xD
And I love you just as much :D. You took so much time to express how you feel, I felt so happy!! I really hope you continue to enjoy the fic~~
<33333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 03:14 pm (UTC)i feel the pain...i feel the anguish
you make me tear every time:) [in a good way]
the inner struggles certainly is reaping yunnie's guts out
joongie you're not tainted.. you still as pure as before!
haha..i mean we all know that:)
hahah waiting for next week
and i love your long chapters.
makes it all so good
no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 09:52 am (UTC)Nawww I feel the pain too, I swear! All that stuff wasn't planned to happen...so even I didn't know what the hell Yunho was doing. He almost gave me a heartattack ^^;;
*hands you tissues*
hehehhe glad you like the length.
Thanks so much~ <333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 10:04 am (UTC)misunderstanding is the perfect recipe for emotionally intense, angsty and fluufy into one kind of love story. hhhhhhh*wipe sweat*.. seem we all just have to bear with it...
lol amen to that. And that includes me as well... I'm needing to start a new batch of FLANGST for my own well-being, hehe.
Ackkk, don't die from JJ's woe and YH's confusion! I'll be updating very soon, I promise~~
I love you too of course ^___________^
<333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 03:18 pm (UTC)Yehh, as you've said it. It's awfully hurt TT__TT
Why Jaejoong must have seen exactly every expressions in Yunho while his mind was not clear enough to understand it. I especially hate it when people feel hurt only because misunderstanding, it just make every pains much worse than ever.
Both of them all considered their situation in the wrong way. First Jaejoong then Yunho. But I totally can sympathise with Jae, if I had been in his shoes, witnessing Yunho unconsciously withdraw his hand as soon as he touch my skin, I would have also thought that he was disgusted by me. How desperated Jae felt when he thought his belief was betrayed cruelly like that. "Why had he abandoned me too? I could handle God abandoning me because I had lost faith in such a deity a long time ago. But Yunnie… I had believed in him. He had made me believe in him only to discard me.", such a beautiful saying <33333
For Yunho, I think that he must have known what had happened at that night, for the following morning, he said sorry...maybe sorry for his unexpected withdraw. But YH's reaction is definitely understandable because after months, it's the first time Jae suddenly didn't scared of the sensuous touch anymore and be that daring. Yunho must have had such a serious shock or he may have thought that it was a dream only. JJ just sinked in his own anguish too deep and too soon to be able to understand YH's confusedness.
However, I am really not sure why YH agrred to discharge Jaejoong. He wanted Jae to have a more peaceful life or...everything happening all of a sudden at the time caused such a traumatizing situation that was totally too much for him to handle. YH may have been scared of seeing JJ hurt, scared of himself not strong enough to protect JJ or perharps, he was even scared that some day he would have see JJ die in front of his own eyes. So somehow, he wanted to escape for a moment.
Moreover, YH definitely knew that JJ did not need anything else or anyone else beside YH's love and YH. So I don't think discharging Jaejoong was really for JJ's own benefit at all.
"Be brave. You’ll get better.", Ăt is easy to say in a goodbye letter but if JJ could be get better that easily, there was no thing to say from the start. "Until we meet again there will not be one second when I am not thinking about you and wishing for your happiness to return.", I don't think Jae could endure to wait until the time YH became calm again.
But whatever, I still dont want to see they separated once more. The last time had already hurt too much. Moreover, Jae could cut himself once, no one could assure that he would never do this again, especially when YH left him. I hope them to stay together, may be hurt or even torment each other but please let them overcome this hardship together till the end. I don't want to see Jae finally gave up since he thought that he didn't deserve, he could begin a new life or anything else. Without the other, they would become insane soon.
This chapter does not include many actions but feeling only, so much extreme feelings...hichichichic :((:((:((
Next weekkk~ How can I wait till next week??? T__T
no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 10:46 am (UTC)I especially hate it when people feel hurt only because misunderstanding, it just make every pains much worse than ever
I completely agree!! It's so horrible! *quickly runs to find her FLANGST recipe book and blows the dust off it*
Yeh, both of them cannot really be blamed for their responses. Which makes things even more frustrating, eh!!
YH may have been scared of seeing JJ hurt, scared of himself not strong enough to protect JJ or perharps, he was even scared that some day he would have see JJ die in front of his own eyes. So somehow, he wanted to escape for a moment.
Awwww I love the description of those theories! I'm sure they all had things to do with Yunho's decision. *hugs Yunnie*
I still dont want to see they separated once more. The last time had already hurt too much. Moreover, Jae could cut himself once, no one could assure that he would never do this again, especially when YH left him
Ahhh how I agreeeee. I know Yunho has convinced himself that Jae would be better away from there...but really, he hasn't seemed to think everything through properly... I sure hope Jae doesn't have an urge to cut himself again as well! ><
Don't worrrry, I'll be updating very soon! Hwaiting!! <333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 04:35 pm (UTC)loved it
thanks
no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 10:17 am (UTC)*re-opens her FLANGST recipe book with determination*
Thanks my lovey! <33
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 07:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 10:16 am (UTC)Yeh the misunderstand can be so frustrating! Communication dears, communication! *smacks the back of their heads*
I hate how depressing it suddenly turned again... But I guess no pain no gain. *re-opens her FLANGST recipe book and blows the dust off it*
I'll be updating very soon, I promise ^__^
<333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 07:51 pm (UTC)yunho's decision of sending jae away will worsen jae's condition coz he already thinks yunho didn't want to even touch him anymore
update soon dear...
no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 10:13 am (UTC)Oh amen to that theory! I shudder to think of what JaeJoong's reaction would be to something like that when he was already so paranoid in the first place!
Thanks so much my lovey! <333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 08:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 10:12 am (UTC)Ahh thanks! Yeh, I think psychological burdens like that would need lots of time to heal... If it ever would heal... It makes me so sad! Gah!
I hope you enjoy the next chapter when it's up!
Thanks so much as always! <3333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 08:28 pm (UTC)I certainly wasn't expecting THAT O_O!
I'm stunned and I'm so...so...DUDE!"!!
JaeJoong will be much worse when he gets home by himself without Yunho~
ChangMin won't be much of a help, because he just is NOT Yunho T_T!
no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 10:08 am (UTC)Stunned isn't too bad. Better than 'lived enough to kill the author' hahaha.
Yeh I shudder to think how JaeJoong would cope if he does have to go through with this discharge order ><
I see what you mean. Min really isn't the Ho. *cuddles Ho*
Thanks for reading as always!! <333
no subject
Date: 2008-05-02 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 10:06 am (UTC)*Makes mental note to stay off msn*
*pretends she isn't already on msn anyway*
*looks innocent*
Lol. Intense is an understatement as always. Sigh~
Things were getting better... That's some hope, right?
luv you boo! <33
no subject
Date: 2008-05-03 01:55 am (UTC)im gonnna be soo mad at you if do make him go back.
and omg. jaejoong. yunho probably got his hand back from jaejoong becuase he probably thought that jaejoong wouldnt like it or somehing.
omg. i cant beleive jaejoong tried to cut off all his skin/
jaejoong is gonna be worse if he goes back home...
no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 10:23 am (UTC)Yeh there were definitely two paths I could chose to go down with this plot. After some careful consideration I hope I chose the right one ><
I can see Jae having a hard time at his home as well... But whatever happens, I'm sure he'll get through it.
*re-opens her FLANGST recipe book hurriedly*
Thanks for the comment! <333
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-05-03 02:17 am (UTC)i thought he's getting better..but seems like he's getting worse!*sigh*
just because yun didn't wanna touch him that night..
i don't think yunnie was disgusted..if anything,he didn't wanna hurt jae..afraid that their intimacy would bring back the painful memories..
but jae's too broken to even consider that..
poor yun..i don't know if sending jae home would be the best solution..but one thing for sure,jae will have bad thoughts again on why yunnie's sending him home..
unless someone knock some sense in his head..aish~
thanks for updating~^_______________^
no subject
Date: 2008-05-07 10:33 am (UTC)Ahhh he was getting better! There's hope in that... Whatever happens I'm sure he'd get through it eventually ><
I don't think Yunho would have been disgusted either. It was frustrating that Jae ALMOST hit the nail on the head for Yunho's real reasoning... "He was glad I hadn’t been conscious through his shameful groping"
....but then in the next breath he completely turned it into the exact opposite. Why Jae whyyyy T____T
Knock some sense into Joongie's head? Do I hear a volunteer? :D
Thanks for commenting as always lovey! <333
I'M BACK!!!!!!!!
Date: 2008-05-03 09:14 am (UTC)YEY you updated..
awwwwwiiyyuuuuuuuuu it's so sad..
I hope jaejoong will get better at home.. and that the war will end so yunho can get back to him and they can be happy...
not only did you make me cry this time dear..
YOU MADE ME SO SCARED OF READING! This scene... so scary.. I mean.. butterflies eating someone from inside that's creepy!
(oh yeah that blood scene is also scary)
hahahaha..
lot's of love to your story <3333!!!
but please.. do not scare me with those butterflies again :P
*hugs*
Re: I'M BACK!!!!!!!!
Date: 2008-05-07 10:36 am (UTC)Ackkk, you cried? Oh noes! *quickly hands you a tissue
that JaeHo used* T_TWoah~~~ bwahahah! You were more scared by the butterfly description than the knife?! That's funny!! ILU! XD
Yes yes, well you just keep behaving yourself or I'll be sending those evil butterflies your way ^__~
Thanks for the awesome comment~ <3
Re: I'M BACK!!!!!!!!
From: