Hey y'all!
Okee dokee then... What to say, what to say.. This is normally the type of entry I make at my personal LJ, but since this also involves my fic I figured I might as well just be lazy and only type it up over here. XD
About to type a long rant thingy. I've highlighted the main points so you don't have to read through all of it. Me and my incoherent thoughts, sheesh, I swear, I'm so crap at writing things concisely, LOL!
I'm on 2 weeks uni break right now, whoo hoo! But only 3 days of that are gonna be spent at home. Every other day I am away with my family going to various places. For most of that period I'll have PC access thank god, lol! Although I guess after all that has happened so far, maybe that isn't such a blessing after all.
I was with my family at the beach for the past 5 days. There was no internet access at our flat, so I was fortunate enough to be sheltered away from all the recent DBSK news. ![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
moon1084 texted me the news in a nice, calm way (thank you for not freaking me out, bb! XD) so I was able to think on it before I returned back to my internet and was bombarded by twitter updates and news articles and friend freak-outs, lol.
I feel kinda strange about the new Avex news. A huge part of me is saying: DUH!! This news was inevitable! I was just biding my time until it became an official announcement. And now it has come. So why am I so depressed still? It doesn't make sense. And really, with things being so sticky, we always knew it was only a matter of time before their Japanese activities would stop as well. Just look at the recent 'activities' they did in Japan - releases of Best Of albums, DVDs and a single -- all of which were never promoted. Not one tv interview. Rare magazine shoots. Practically nothing. Of course they wouldn't be able to continue on in Japan for now if they can't even promote! And yet......I'm still mourning. Crazy, isn't it!
And DUH, we all know that the case isn't that their relationship has gone sour. Of course they are still close and brothers! That's not really why I am sad. I'm sad because it's officially the end of an era -- an era that had so much impact on my life. All of us have doubtlessly gone through many horrific, awful obstacles in the past few years, and DBSK were the people who were there for us. I know this is the case for me (as I ranted on twitter XD). Through all the times I struggled to smile and felt so weighed down by the whole world, DBSK were the ONE stable thing in my life that were always there for me. They were my salvation, the safe place I could go to when I needed to hide from the world. And even though none of them are dead, and they all still love each other, the fact still does remain that they aren't going to be able to provide this safe haven for me any longer (until god knows when in the future when they are able to get together as a group again). I need to accept that I can't depend on them anymore like I used to. I need to find something else to distract me from life and give me smiles. I will always love them, that is never gonna change, but I really must move on in a sense. Half of my heart is still living in the 2007 era when DBSK were my everything. I need to gently coax that half of my heart away from that era, because it's gone now. I can't live in the past no matter how comforting it might seem in theory. For that, I need time. I think a lot of us need time just to step back, mourn for the old DBSK, and then feel better and become strong enough to cheer them on in their future endeavors as solo artists. I'm not saying they are solo forever!! Gosh, no. Please don't misunderstand my words, lols. I just mean that right now it is clear that solo activies is all we'll be lucky enough to get until evvvvverything gets sorted out. Everyone needs a time out! DBSK and their fans. XD
So it's a lot to think about and deal with. Naturally, I'm not in the best state of mind to be working on my fanfics. The characters live independently from the DBSK world, and they don't deserve to suffer because I'm in mourning and trapped in temporary nostalgia. I want the best for those characters, because I love them in a different way. So I might not be able to write for a few weeks as I grapple with the recent events in my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one needing a slight breather and time out to just compose ourselves. Everyone needs time to themselves, after all.
It certainly doesn't help that I've had to say goodbye to my brother as he leaves for Shanghai. He's working there for at least 7 months, and I'm gonna miss him like hell. Seeing him off at the airport again was a little emotional to say the least (especially when I see his boyfriend cryinnnng, and knowing that I can't do much at all to make him feel less lonely in coming weeks ><). So I've had to temporarily had to say goodbye to my bro AND TVXQ at the same time. Tough times, y'all!!
SO I guess here is my summary: I just need a smaaaaall time out here. I'm gonna continue writing my fics and loving Yunjae and DBSK, but when I've had time to become strong again. It won't take too long coz I am a fighter and a realist, but meh, there it is all the same.
It's true that right now I don't feel up to writing more of The Beacon; My Siren, but I thankfully AM in the mood to edit Echo of Dawn and get it ready for publication. At least I won't feel guilty for just sitting here and doing NOTHING, haha. At least DAWN is getting some benefits lol!
So yeh. See you guys soon! For now I'll be distracting myself on my twitter, because it's easier than ranting huge, incoherent chunks on my LJs hahah! <333
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