wild_terrain | The Beacon; My Siren

Title: The Beacon; My Siren
Author: wild_terrain (ie. fi_chan)
Banner (Made beautifully by love_cassiopeia):

Chapter: [27/ ?]
Rating: MA15+
Genre: AU [FLANGST, mystery, spirituality, romance]
Summary: Philophobia… The fear of falling in love or being in love. I didn’t know such a thing existed until I met him… Kim JaeJoong was my age—a youthful 25 years—and the owner of a popular café, yet he was already known around town as the mysterious hermit who had chosen to completely withdraw from the world. How on earth could someone so young be afraid of loving others to the point of secluding themselves from all human beings? What was he afraid of? What was he hiding? I just didn’t understand it. And by that stage, the need to understand it was all I could think about... In fact, he was all I could think about…

Jung Yunho… For all of my life I had grown up away from the limelight. I couldn’t stand being noticed by anybody, and for a long time I thankfully never was. But then you came and suddenly you were everywhere – waving to me as I swept the café after closing, saying hello to me as you cycled past the bench I was sitting on, helping me carry my groceries inside whilst talking non-stop to me as if we were actually friends… Why are you always around making my heart thump erratically? Why do you even care? The more you try to explore this town, the more I need to step up and protect you from your own curiosity, because I know It is out there and I know It wants to harm you…

Trailer: CLICK TO WATCH~~

Beta = moon1084 <3

A/N: I am here!! Do enjoy it. No, please...enjoy it, I beg of you. LMAO!

Looking out of my window, I had renewed energy. The smell of salt in the air sent pangs of familiarity through me instead of the stale bitterness it once provoked. I actually didn’t mind being back home. Somehow I had even missed it.

It was beautiful sunny day and the ocean around me was a stunning deep cerulean. The bumps of faraway waves shone white amongst the blue but even they seemed less threatening when everywhere else twinkled under the sunlight and winked at me.

My home was really beautiful. As much as I hated it sometimes, felt trapped and isolated, it truly was beautiful. I hadn’t so much taken it for granted but rather had nothing to compare it to until now.

I inhaled more salty air deep into my lungs and then stepped away from my window. Looking around the large living area I had above the café, I smiled wider. After coming back here, I felt me everywhere around the rooms. This was my home and it would always welcome me. Once it had been like the hug of a parent, and the refuge from prying eyes and ugly whispers. Throughout my life, it had transformed into so many things for me and now it was like a silent companion. I didn’t need to rely on it so much because now I had friends. My emotions could bounce off them instead of remaining trapped in an exclusive partnership of a human heart and four walls.

This home had welcomed Yunho, and it had welcomed Yoochun and Changmin. Once upon a time, it had even welcomed me when I had nowhere else to go but to the bosoms of two kind and elderly strangers who became my family.

I left my room and practically ran down the stairs to greet the staff wandering amongst tables and working in the kitchen. They all smiled back at me, astonished at my energy and eagerness. One chef, his face a little red from steam, told me I had a really nice smile and my face felt as red as his looked. There were nods of agreement from a few others and I bowed to them in thanks, my smile growing.

When I caught up to the manager who had stepped in over the past few days (a man who was almost a decade older than me), even he seemed pleasantly surprised by my friendly greeting. I thanked him emphatically for all of his help and bowed some more. The man stopped me with a small chuckle, telling me to stop bowing because I was his boss and he was supposed to be bowing to me.

“No, no,” I had told him, feeling shy. “I’m just me.”

The man stared at me for a few seconds and then chuckled again. “You truly are an enigma,” he muttered. It hadn’t been the first time I’d heard that description and my heart gave a little thump at the memory of Yunho’s soft voice telling me the same thing. I was now an enigma, not a hermit. I was still far from people knowing the real me, but it seemed a step in the right direction.

It seemed the more I smiled today, the lighter the weight on my shoulders felt. My friends seemed happier as well and their smiles and joy made me feel happier. Well, Yunho seemed happy most of the time anyway but the exhaustion I’d seen in him recently had turned back into a smile as I’d left him this morning.

Yoochun had likewise been a ball of happiness on the train ride back with me—everything had gone right for him with HyunAe and her parents and he felt more confident and secure about his future.

When I saw Changmin later on the next day, he was smiling too. We walked through the parks and along the cycle trail as always and his face lit up as he shared with me how interesting he was finding his current university subjects.

“I talk about a whole lot of nothing. Things no one would probably give a crap about hearing but you always look so interested, Hyung,” Changmin said. “It makes a man forget reality and keep blindly blabbering useless things. You’ve got to snap me out of it sometimes.”

“But I like hearing you talk.”

“And I like talking to you,” he laughed. “But it turns me selfish and self-centered.”

I shook my head. “Not self-centered. Passionate.”

“Passionate, huh?” he asked. “That’s charming and all but I need to make room for the things you’re passionate about too. Anything in particular today? You’re a lot happier over something, more at peace.”

“I am?”

“Mmhmm. I’m dying to know what makes you passionate today. And other days.”

Yunho… I thought, but instead said, “The weather’s really nice.”

“The weather?” Changmin half scoffed, half laughed as he glanced up at the blue sky above our heads.

“Sunshine makes people happier, doesn’t it? And a friend told me it’s good for your body—good source of Vitamin D intake.”

“Vitamin D intake?” Changmin chuckled. “You’re starting to sound like me. Your friend’s right though, it is good. Although with your skin pigmentation—or lack of—I wouldn’t worry so much about Vitamin D intake but sunburn,” he teased. “Though I guess you don’t have to worry about it much since you hate beaches and work indoors a lot.”

“Do you…um,” I squirmed a little as we continued to walk down the track parallel to the beach. “Do you think it’s weird that I don’t like going to the beach when I…well, live here?”

“Hmmm…” Changmin dug his hands into his pockets and glanced beside us at the snatches of sand and ocean that peeked through the trees growing naturally near the sand. “Nope. I’m more of a park person too. I hate when sand gets stuck between the book pages and remains wedged into the spine.”

“But you at least know how to swim, right?”

“More than the city people do at least,” he grinned.

I stared past him at the tumbling water. “What’s it like?”

“What? Swimming? I thought you said you used to swim as a kid sometimes.”

“I did a little,” I replied softly. “Some basics… But I can’t remember much.”

“I only know the basics too. Some breaststroke and doggy paddling is the way to go. Maybe some freestyle. Only backstroke when I haven’t eaten tons of food. Hell no to that butterfly stuff though. If I wanted to spasm I’d just watch the Discovery Channel.”

“That’s more than the basics, Changmin,” I smiled. “My friend at the café, Yoochun, he can only do breaststroke.”

“What about your friend? Mr. Gulliver’s Travels.”

“Pardon?”

“He’s an old western book character who travelled a lot to all these random, crazy places and met random, crazy people,” Changmin explained with a grin. “I’m just teasing though. I meant your city friend.”

“Oh, Yunho?” I couldn’t help but smile when his name passed my lips. “He can do everything.”

“Everything?” Changmin’s eyebrow rose.

“Yeh. Well…” My face scrunched up in thought. “I don’t actually know about that butterfly style, but I know he’s good at a lot of them. He’s been to so many places overseas so he made sure he at least knew how to swim first. And he didn’t even grow up around water like us. He went out of his way to learn all those kinds of skills. He just loves the world so much—nature, people… He wants to meet everyone and see everything. I’ve seen some of his photos and they are amazing. Some of the places he’s climbed up are so high I think you can pretty much see the whole world from them. The trees look so tiny, the roofs look tiny…it’s quite amazing.”

“Well.” Changmin chuckled to himself about something for a few steps.

“What is it? What’s so funny?” I quietly asked.

“Oh,” he laughed again. “Nothing. Just looks like I finally heard what you’re most passionate about.”

“Oh…” I was confused for a moment and then my cheeks grew warm when I realized what he meant.

It was halfway through the week when the man of my passions called the café for our occasional night chats. The phone in my bedroom was quite old and it only had a short cord but I was still able to drag it over to my bed so I could talk for as long as I wanted without getting a numb bum.

I sat cross-legged on the edge of my bed and curled the cord around my fingers as he talked, wishing it was his fingers I was playing with. “How was your work today?” I asked with a smile.

“Hmm… You know what, the crowds are starting to thin out a bit. Which is cooler for the climbers anyway coz they don’t have to rush.”

“How’s your male—female ratio going?” I winced—I hadn’t really meant to ask him that out loud. I’d rather not even know.

“Male—female ratio?” he laughed.

“Forget it.” My cheeks grew hotter as I heard him continuing to laugh on the other end.

“Well, Professor Kim, I have to confess that I haven’t been keeping an accurate account of exact numbers, but in a guestimation, I’d tentatively suggest there are still more males participating in our climbing activities.”

“You didn’t have to go that far,” I grumbled. “But as an elder in the academic field, may I suggest you brush up on your observation skills for a more accurate collection of data next time, Action Man Jung.”

“My apologies, sir. I’ll work harder in the future to cater to your anal tendencies.”

“Rude.”

He started laughing again, a laugh that was infectious. I really, really loved his laugh. I just sat back and listened to it until he moved the conversation on.

“Yesterday I had a shift with Junsu.”

“Oh? How is he?”

“Great, great. I was able to fill him in on you coming down last weekend.”

“Oh, you did?” I felt a small smile spread on my face—the smile that always snuck out when I was feeling shy but happy. Was it silly to feel giddy knowing that the guy you looked up to wanted to talk about you to other people?

“I did. He did not see it coming. When I said: ‘guess who came to my house!’ he jadedly asked if it was my grandma,” he laughed. “When I told him it was you, he instantly woke up and became interested. He was really quite impressed with your courage. I may have bragged about it…” he admitted a little sheepishly.

He bragged about me? I sat blinking for a moment as I let it sink in. Compared to all the places Yunho had to been to, one train ride to the city was hardly some huge achievement worth bragging about.

I looked out the window that was still waiting for me to draw its curtains closed for the night. It was too dark to make out the sea but I could hear it. My reflection bounced back at me instead and I watched my frown relax.

I had been wrong… Going to the city was a big achievement after all. For me. And that was what Yunho was genuinely excited about without any hint of patronizing in his words. He was proud of me, possibly even more than I was. It felt like someone had put a hot water bottle over my stomach—lovely warmth was spreading all over, seeping deep into my bones.

“I know I already told you like a thousand times already,” he continued on, “but you’re so…cool! You just turned up as if it was a walk in the park and gave me probably the best day of my life so far. My parents thought you were so polite and neat; they wanted me to learn tips from you. But you know me,” he laughed, “neat is not in my nature, so they’ll have to give up that hope!”

“You’re not that bad,” I grinned, basking high in the praises Yunho’s gave me. “You are quite neat at my place. Yoochun’s worse and he’s never even stayed the night. One afternoon is all it takes for cups and empty chip packets to end up all over my desk and bedside table. Bet your parents didn’t call him neat, even when he was on his best behavior.”

“No,” Yunho agreed. “That wasn’t on their list of adjectives.”

“What was on the list?” I asked curiously. Yoochun thought he hadn’t done too bad a job looking decent enough to date their daughter, but Yunho’s parents were so polite-spoken it was hard to gauge their true opinions.

“Hmm, lessee… Fun, nice-natured, hopefully means well, a bit too loud but seems to respect Hyunnie well.”

“That’s good!” I smiled and started playing with the phone cord again. “Looks like Yoochun did good. He was so nervous on the train ride down.”

“Yup, he’s not on their blacklist yet.”

“Charming.”

“Very.”

“So…” I twirled the phone cord around my thumb. “Did your parents say anything else about me?”

“Sure. My mother suggested you make me giggle too much. But that was a criticism of me if anything, not of you.”

“Giggle too much?” I repeated slowly, pondering such an odd criticism. Was that bad?

“Compared to my sister, I apparently do. She must be turning deaf, I heard Hyunnie giggle plenty. But I’m a man so apparently I’m not given the same liberties.”

“Oh…” That last part hadn’t sounded so light-hearted. I wasn’t quite sure what to say back but I had to say something before I was met with awkward silence that was too hard to deal with over the phone. “Everyone should giggle. More often too. A giggle is one of the best weapons we have against sadness and stress.”

“Wow, you really have changed so much since the first day I met you, haven’t you?” He sounded perky again.

“I have. Thanks to you.”

“No, no!” I had a feeling he was blushing. It was regrettable that I couldn’t have the pleasure of seeing his face. “I could push but I couldn’t coax out something that wasn’t already there.”

“Thank you for pushing then. Thank you for helping me find a giggle. Thank you for trying to help me. Thank you for being my friend…”

“Jae,” he said softly, “if you say ‘thank you’ one more time, I’ll send Yoochun over to flick your forehead. You’re giving me too much credit as always. I thought we’d already agreed that your awesome is in the high ranks,” he whined cutely.

“If you keep up the cute pout you’re probably doing right now, I’ll have to get HyunAe to pinch your cheeks for me.”

“The pout is gone,” he said almost immediately and I let out a laugh.

My smile slowly faded after a moment. “Yun, I miss you…”

“I miss you too, Joongie. So much. I didn’t even want to change the sheets…”

“Yun!” I said, aghast.

“I did! I just didn’t want to.”

I let out a sigh. “Thank god. Sex smells.”

“Pardon?”

“It does.” My reflection in my window hid my red cheeks. “I’ve got a sensitive nose, okay. It helps with cooking…”

“Does our sex smell good? Finger-lickin’ good?”

“Yunho!” I yelled. I was so tempted to just crawl under my sheets and never come back out. I shouldn’t have even brought it up.

“Sorry,” he laughed. “I forget sometimes that you’re a refined creature. One I very much need in my life,” he added. The warmth in his voice transferred into my belly again. “I wish I was with you right now. I wish I could hold you again when I’m waiting to fall asleep…”

“Me too,” I replied softly, staring at my empty bed.

“I’ll let you know the minute I find out when I have a bunch of consecutive days off work again.”

“I know you will. I’ll have a plate of cookies waiting for you.”

“Don’t tease me,” he groaned. “That declaration could pay for a train ticket right now.”

“What if I said I’d have a plate of warm cookies waiting for you as well as…”

“A warm you? Warm and soft and pink-cheeked?”

I blushed a deep red. I’d set myself up for that—deliberately, dare I admit—but I was glad he’d said it. It wouldn’t have sounded half as alluring as the way he could say it. “Exactly that.”

“That would pay for a train ticket,” he replied uncharacteristically soft. I was still getting used to that new tone of his that signaled his flattering lust. “Hell, I’d invent a teleport system for that.”

“Ambitious.”

“I would find a way for you.”

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. He was making it impossible for me to put the phone down and go to bed. “Now who’s the tease?”

“You. Always you.”

We reluctantly said goodbye to each other a little later. I’d really needed that talk tonight after going through two days of not seeing him. Even just over the phone he gave me joy. That warmth in my belly and chest accompanied me into sleep and then into my dreams.

For the rest of the week, I still felt like I resided in my warm dreams. The best part was that I didn’t have to worry about when I was going to wake up because I was already awake.

When I smiled at my café staff, they smiled back; when I watched Yoochun constantly send messages to HyunAe with his phone or call her up in his breaks, I didn’t feel jealous or lonely; I could walk through the park whilst looking around at everything and everyone—my eyes were no longer constrained to the path in front of my feet; and when I walked over to Changmin’s food stand, I could take off my jacket to bask in the sun that snuck through the winter wind.

I felt alive.

“Enjoy the sun while it lasts, Hyung,” Changmin sighed, passing me the warm styrofoam coffee cup. “Satellite says there are clouds coming again.”

I shrugged and took a sip of the hot liquid. “Rain’s a pain but it’s good for the parks and forests. Rain can’t stop you from having fun anyway.”

“Spoken like the disciple of Mr. Gulliver’s Travels.”

”Stop it,” I laughed.

I finished the rest of my coffee sitting on my old bench near the cycle track. Once Yunho had spied me here and invited himself onto the space next to me, looking ridiculous in an undone bike helmet. I smiled fondly at the memory and gazed at the spot where he had sat. That day he had helped an injured child. Of course he’d been able to win the kid onto this side—he was a big kid himself.

He was my big kid… I smiled into my empty coffee cup. If this kept up, my cheeks were going to start hurting.

Through some of the trees and bush I could see water again. If this was last year, I would have laughed at myself if I told me I would let it touch me. It had only gone up to my shins but I had still touched it. Everything had been okay. It hadn’t done anything to me and I hadn’t felt guilty for trying to make acquaintances with it even though it had taken my brother from me. If my brother was angry at me now for touching his kidnapper, I would have somehow felt it, right? The last thing I would want would be to hurt my brother somewhere…

I stretched my legs out in front of me and continued to watch the ocean. If Yunho was here on the bench with me, I wondered if I would have asked him to help take me out further into the water. Standing up to my shins was one thing but being able to stand in it up to my waist would have excited Yunho so much. I was starting to get addicted to his praises. When he was happy over something I had done, the feeling was wonderful. I could do so little for him, but overcoming some of my fears always put a smile on his face. And not just a smile, there was always so much pride in his eyes too.

I sat up a taller against the wooden bench and my heart gave a little thump. Imagine how excited he’d be if he came back and found I could stand waist-deep in the water? It would be such a nice surprise.

I bit my lip. Could I really do it though?

I stood up letting the coffee cup hang uselessly by my side. Yes, yes I could do it. I could prove I was worthy of being with someone as talented and capable as Yunho. I could show that I would one day be strong just like him.

Just not today… I thought sheepishly as I chucked the coffee cup into the park bins and started jogging back to Café JaDe to catch up on the administration work that needed sorting out by tonight.

I stared at the new shiny black phone in my hand and grinned. HyunAe was studying in her room and my parents were watching night dramas on TV together at the opposite end of the house. I was sitting cross-legged beneath my thick and warm bed cover, admiring the small phone that fit perfectly in my palm. It was fairly cheap as phones go with limited features, but I thought it was pretty perfect. I could have bought one of those really expensive ones with touch screens and awesome apps but I didn’t think it would be as appreciated. And the dearer price would feel like a burden too.

I unlocked the screen and grinned as I looked over the contact list again. One number: Jung Yunho’s. Hell yeh.

I laughed silently at myself and shook my head. I couldn’t be mean and just put my number in the contact list. How megalomaniac was that! I spent the next few minutes adding in my sister, Junsu, Yoochun and my home phone number. I didn’t know Changmin’s number but that could come later.

I gazed at my handiwork with a smile. I hoped JaeJoong would like it. I skipped the gym today to go to one of the big electronic stores in the middle of the city to look for the perfect phone. I couldn’t just buy any—the phone had to be what I liked to call ‘mother proof’. It had to be easy enough to use for someone not accustomed to new technology. The guy could barely use his computer properly!

Not just that though, it had to look cooler than a simplistic phone for old people. It took me some time but I eventually found some candidates and made sure the sim card matched my phone company. There were some great deals that allowed for free calls between people on my network. It would be much easier to get a hold of him any time of the day and in any place. He was my boyfriend—I naturally wanted to talk to him more than I did when we were working in different towns. I could easily update him on my work schedule too with a quick text. Hell, I’d be able to send him so many boredom texts. It was going to be awesome! I couldn’t wait to give it to him.

An idea suddenly popped into mind and I scrambled through the phone menu in excitement. You could take photos and videos on it even though the phone was considered to be one of the simpler models. I could film him a welcome video right now.

I quickly fixed my hair up and held the phone in front of me carefully. I sat and stared into it, biting my lip. I had forgotten how much I hated recording myself. I wasn’t too eloquent, not like my sister.

The more I sat watching my brows furrow on the phone screen, feeling nervous, the more words fled from my head and left me with nothing. I quickly pressed the record button before my speech reverted all the way back to toddler years. I let my brows relax and cleared my throat nervously.

“Hiii, JaeJoongie!” Good start. “It’s Yunho.” Duh, he can see you. “Hiii.” Already said that. “How are you?” He can’t talk back and that is so irrelevant!

I stopped the recording, mortified. I made sure I erased the damn thing before I tried again.

“Hey, JaeJoongie! Don’t kill me but I bought you a phone…the one you’re undoubtedly holding right now,” I laughed, trying not to feel too stupid. “I hope you like it. I didn’t want to get you one until I was sure it was appropriate and suited to you, but I think this one is pretty perfect for you. You can do whatever you want with it—as long as you use it to call me,” I grinned. “You can use it as a paperweight, you can use it to throw at Yoochun, but you have to definitely call me. All the time. When you call my number, it won’t charge you any money, it’s totally free—because my love is free… Okay that sounded cooler in my head,” I laughed again. “But yeah. I hope you like it. It wasn’t expensive so don’t worry. I love you so much. I can’t wait till you start using it. Bye, beautiful!”

I stopped the recording and slumped down in relief. I carefully renamed the file from Video_0000 to To my JaeJoongie. All that was left to do was write detailed instructions so he would be able to find it by himself and watch it alone. I wanted the message to be another surprise, even though the content was nothing extraordinary. He had to watch it without me for the full effect.

Lucky for me, I had all night to write the instructions down for his ‘hidden surprise’ before I went to bed. When I was finished I reached over to turn my lamp off and then snuggled under the blankets. I had no idea at that moment that when I went to work the next morning, I’d have my own surprise handed to me.

///TBC///

A/N: hehe confession, chapter 27 and 28 were originally supposed to be one chapter but I had to cut it in half...for reasons I can't explain yet without spoiling. But above all, I really wanted to give Yunjae a chance to still love from afar without any disruption to the mood. They deserve it. ^^;;

But because 27 and 28 were originally combined, I kind of want them to be read close to each other so I'll be updating CH28 in a few days/within the week for certain. It's all typed now, just gotta get the A-OK from my beta. ^^

And speaking of, I seriously need to thank

moon1084 so much right now. She snapped me so effortlessly out of my writer's block for Yunho's phone call. You've always got my back, bb! T__T<3

Hope you enjoyed this update, my lovelies!! Thanks for all your feedback last times. ^__^