wild_terrain | The Beacon; My Siren

Title: The Beacon; My Siren
Author: wild_terrain (ie. fi_chan)
Banner (Made beautifully by love_cassiopeia):

Chapter: [24B / ?]
Rating: MA15+
Genre: AU [FLANGST, mystery, spirituality, romance]
Summary: Philophobia… The fear of falling in love or being in love. I didn’t know such a thing existed until I met him… Kim JaeJoong was my age—a youthful 25 years—and the owner of a popular café, yet he was already known around town as the mysterious hermit who had chosen to completely withdraw from the world. How on earth could someone so young be afraid of loving others to the point of secluding themselves from all human beings? What was he afraid of? What was he hiding? I just didn’t understand it. And by that stage, the need to understand it was all I could think about... In fact, he was all I could think about…

Jung Yunho… For all of my life I had grown up away from the limelight. I couldn’t stand being noticed by anybody, and for a long time I thankfully never was. But then you came and suddenly you were everywhere – waving to me as I swept the café after closing, saying hello to me as you cycled past the bench I was sitting on, helping me carry my groceries inside whilst talking non-stop to me as if we were actually friends… Why are you always around making my heart thump erratically? Why do you even care? The more you try to explore this town, the more I need to step up and protect you from your own curiosity, because I know It is out there and I know It wants to harm you…

Trailer: CLICK TO WATCH~~

Beta = moon1084 <3

A/N: DOUBE UPDATE TIME! Here is the second one:

JaeJoong smiled bitterly at me. “This.” He made a large gesture towards the whole beach. “I need help with this.”

“Beaches?”

“Kind of ridiculous, isn’t it? Someone who’s afraid of the ocean is living in a town surrounded by it.”

“You didn’t really have a choice that you ended up here,” I reminded him softly.

“But I still stayed when I was old enough to make my own decision. Ironically, all I know is here. It’s all I have. The café is all I have that proves I exist in this world. I don’t think I would have voluntarily left even if I didn’t feel compelled to warn people of certain things.”

He had stepped away from me during his explanation, not wanting to be touched. The fear was creeping back under his skin and slowly freezing him from the inside.

I really couldn’t stand it when fear took him away from me. If fear was a solid thing, I could grapple with it and beat it up and get a restraining order against it or something. But fighting an invisible and hidden parasite living inside JaeJoong just wasn’t so easily done. I couldn’t find it and beat the crap out of it—only he could.

“Maybe the water would haunt my dreams less if I just…touched it or… I don’t know.”

“Okay,” I replied softly. “Why don’t we do that?”

He nodded slowly, looking at the sand by his feet. With an almost inaudible sigh, he then spent a few minutes just gazing at the waves forever making noise beside us. I waited for him to make a move, even just one step forward, but he remained frozen and eerily silent.

“Let’s just feel the temperature with our big toes, yeh?” I suggested cheerfully and entwined our fingers. “Come on then.” I ever so gently tugged him forward up the beach.

The breeze increased as we drew closer to where the waves were breaking and it whipped our hair around. For the most part, JaeJoong was unfazed by the tough elements, but as soon as our bare feet touched the small area of damp sand he fought my grip.

“We’re not quite there yet, sweetie. C’mon. Just a little further. It’s okay.”

I didn’t want to use my strength to force him to do something he wasn’t ready for, so it was a relief when he slowly stepped forward until he was level with me again.

The waves ran out and stopped a foot or so away from us and left a tiny bit of foam behind over the sand. The foam wasn’t as spectacular as further up where the waves were actually crashing, but JaeJoong was eyeing the thin line of leftover water as if it was some kind of lethal substance.

A bigger wave broke against the shore up ahead and the water rushed at us at almost double the speed of its previous attempts. JaeJoong whined as if he was on the verge of tears and stumbled back as far as our linked hands would let him go. I really couldn’t blame him for the sudden shock. The sea was unpredictable and that’s what made it interesting for me but terrifying for JaeJoong.

“It’s okay,” I told him, wiggling our hands a little for reassurance. “Sometimes it does come fast but it’s not going to hurt you. In fact, it barely even touched my toes. All bark and no bite.”

I smiled and he came back to join me on the wet sand but his grip on my hand was quite fierce.

I took a further step forward so that we wouldn’t be able to avoid getting our feet wet in the next wave. A new one broke on cue and the water tumbled towards me. It splashed around my ankles but I was standing alone. My hand was now completely exposed to the elements and the sheen of sweat JaeJoong had left on me now felt cold against the breeze.

I whipped around and found him half collapsed onto the sand on all fours. His left elbow and knee had come out from beneath him, causing his body to slant in what looked like an uncomfortable position. He was like a crumbling building slowly falling to pieces.

His forehead lay against his arm as he wept into the darkness. His whole body was shaking and collecting wet sand on the underside of his clothes. I knelt down beside him and created a barrier between him and the tide with my body. There was a lump in my throat as my hand touched the top of his head and ran down his back. When he kept crying into his arm, I tried it a few more times, hoping I could soothe him in any way.

“It’s alright, sweetie. You’re okay.”

After hearing my voice, he pushed up off the ground just far enough to collapse onto me. He’d flung his arms over my shoulders and pulled himself tightly against me. My arm encompassed him simultaneously and kept him secure.

“I-I-I—”

“Shh,” I whispered into his sandy and wind-whipped hair. “Calm down. Don’t force the words out.” He made an almost strangulated sound and I swallowed sadly. “It was wonderful that you got this far, hmm?”

“I…” A sob interrupted him. “I don’t want it to get me. I didn’t want to give it the chance.” He burrowed himself further into me and I held him tighter.

“I don’t want to die like them,” he then choked out. His body was wracked with more sobs. “I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to be separated from y-you.”

I shook my head and rocked him gently. “Not going to happen. Nothing is going to happen to you. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. I wouldn’t encourage you to try this if I wasn’t certain there was absolutely no danger.”

“You can’t ever be sure.”

“Water of that depth isn’t going to harm you, Joongie. It’s a scientific certainty.”

Above all, I think the thing that weakened JaeJoong most was his issue with trust. He trusted me, but he didn’t trust the world and what its unpredictability could throw at him and me despite my confidence. When he was a kid, he ‘d probably had trust. But along the way it had been eradicated and I could understand why. The world had taught him that it was more powerful than his family, who were all older than him. If they couldn’t be safe then there was nothing stopping things from harming him too.

The ocean was one of the most obvious elements of unpredictability. It was something that had surrounded JaeJoong’s old home and backed him into a corner he could never escape from without outside help. And it had imprisoned his brother… To think he had tortured himself every day by living in another town surrounded by ocean just so that he could make sure it never got anyone else. The amount of strength it would have taken him to do that… If only he could see it—how strong he really was.

“I’m so proud of you… You have no idea how proud,” I whispered and then brushed some sandy hair away to find any inch of skin on his wet face to kiss.

“I know that at large the ocean can seem really unpredictable,” I began to say once he had calmed down enough to sit upright beside me. “But this small tide creeping up the sand is quite predictable. In fact, it’s kind of playful in my opinion. Give me a sec to show you what I mean.”

I got up before he could protest too much and gave him a reassuring smile before I approached the tide again. I could tell he really didn’t like the thought of me going near the water again but I didn’t stop. I only paused briefly to roll my pants up higher and then continued on into the water. When it washed peacefully over my ankles, I turned back around to look at JaeJoong. He was just a dark figure on the beach but at least I could see well enough to know he hadn’t started crying again or tried to stop me.

“See? It’s kind of relaxing even though it’s cold tonight. It can’t hurt you up to your ankles when you’re this tall. People who can’t swim can even go up to their waist without putting themselves in much danger.” I decided it was best to leave out any mentions of possible rips. If I told him about the existence of invisible currents at some beaches that had the power to drag you out to sea, he would probably never step foot on a beach again. This beach didn’t seem to have any anyway.

To my surprise, he got up and then stepped forward.

I stood in shock as he came further towards me without stopping. He was going to reach the water…

Instinctively I held out my hands and without stopping he ran into the water until he could touch me. It probably wasn’t the calmest introduction to the water when his hurried steps sent it splashing around him, but he had braved even that sensation.

As soon as he reached me, I pulled him against me and then lifted him off the ground. He wrapped his legs around me like a koala to stay above the water without touching it. He’d touched the water once and made it quite clear that that was more than enough for him at the moment. I didn’t even care that he had managed to wet most of my pants in the process and they’d never dry in time for my departure tomorrow.

I laughed as I tried to steady myself under his weight. He’d probably never forgive me if I lost my balance and made both of us topple into the water. “I can’t believe I’m dating the best guy in the world,” I said as I smiled up at my clinging monkey. “The water’s pretty cold tonight, isn’t it?”

He just grunted.

“Urgh, I can feel all that meat you ate tonight,” I teased as I tried to keep him lifted. It was a shame both of my arms were busying working to hold him up or I could have totally taken the opportunity to smack his butt.

“Are we done here?” I asked, trying to take a step forward and failing when JaeJoong’s legs accidentally slipped down and trapped mine together. “Or did you want to approach the water more civilly this time without splashing the poor thing in every direction?”

I let out a grin as he groaned and carefully lowered himself off me.

“You have total control of the tide this far in, see? It can’t do anything to you that you don’t allow.”

He looked down as it covered his feet. I let out a soft chuckle and put my arm around his waist. When he was ready to go, I kept my hand there and we walked up the sand. “Yeah, here’s the not-so-fun part. Watch every grain of sand stick to us. By the time we reach our shoes, our feet will have its own slippers.”

He smiled and put his hand around my waist as well as we left the innocent tide behind us.

Back home, when the achievements of the night finally sank in for JaeJoong, there was much celebration—mostly in the form of me shaking his shoulders melodramatically and then running around to try and do a handstand in front of the bed without breaking my neck. I thought my victory dance offered up to the star of the party was pretty awesome, but JaeJoong just laughed and shook his head at my antics from where he sat cross-legged on the bed.

“Careful of the ceiling fan, you idiot.”

I waved the idea away with my hand and then climbed onto the bed beside him. We’d already cleaned our feet and gotten into our pajamas. My pants lay over the small electric heater on the side of his computer desk to dry.

“Man, I have too much energy again tonight.”

“I noticed.”

“Oi,” I laughed and smacked him.

“Today has been so eventful: hiking; …sex; dinner; the beach… The fact that you can still do handstands in front of the bed is just…” He sighed.

“Oi!” I said again.

“What?”

“I heard the judging in that sigh.”

“What judging?”

“The judging of my constant hyperactivity.”

He laughed. “Well, I’m going to turn the lights off now, alright?”

I sat stunned at his blatant dismissal as I was left staring into darkness.

Hands suddenly grabbed me and pulled me down. My lips were forcefully kissed and I smiled again. “Oh! Ohhh.” I kissed him back with reciprocated intensity. “Mm. Now I get it.”

JaeJoong just chuckled and continued to kiss me.

My eyelids itched. It didn’t feel time yet but they opened. Darkness was everywhere. It was too dark. It couldn’t even be time for my alarm to go off at five am to get ready and let the morning staff in. Why was I awake?

The only thing that felt different was the giddy thumping of my heart. Excitement surged through my veins, filling my limbs with power. I felt I could do anything right now even though my sleep had been cut short by my own excitement.

The reason for my excitement lay curled up next to me. His head was resting on his arm as if it had once been propped up and elevated from the pillow. It was evidence that he had survived through the whole night like that after we had made love. It was starting to come back to me—Yunho had propped his head up with his bent elbow to be able to see me better as he stroked my cheeks and hair and told me how beautiful and amazing I was. And that was his quote, not mine.

I had fallen asleep under his soothing touch. Though I had wanted to stay awake more, fatigue had pulled my eyelids shut anyway. My body had sought out the bare minimum of what it needed, fought for consciousness, and then let me reawaken for him.

He was so beautiful when he slept. I couldn’t help myself when I pushed myself forward to gently press my lips into the smallest hint of a kiss against the rise of his cheekbone and then moved to his lips.

I wonder if you could feel the cold even way down in the subconscious. Even with the sun out, the days lately were getting colder and the mornings were very chilly. His blanket only rose up his hip before flopping in defeat around him. All of his body heat would be escaping with no clothes to trap it in. If I was awake this early in the morning, the least I could do was cover him properly.

If he had been awake, I might have been able to personally keep him warm instead. I did have a rather large urge to hug him or be hugged by him… How would I ever be able to let this man go today knowing I wouldn’t be able to see him again until the end of the week? The days always passed so slowly without him.

In those slow days, all I could do to have him near me was put pencil to paper and see him there on my page. It didn’t matter then that he wasn’t really there, because when I drew him, I could get close to him in a different way. Reality got shut out and it was just him and me.

I knew what theme my first drawing for the week would be.

As the sky slowly grew brighter in preparation of the rising sun, I studied him. His bow lips parted ever so slightly; his thick and dark eyebrows and long eyelashes; the slight plumpness around his cheekbones; the elbow that poked out under his forehead in a makeshift pillow; the curve of his bent knee under the sheets almost touching my body; and everything else that made his sleeping body so charming. I didn’t have a camera so I couldn’t immortalize it—my memory would just have to do and it was yet to let me down.

I could probably even remember what was under the sheet I’d just pulled up without even studying it but… I didn’t want to get inappropriate. I hadn’t ever tried drawing his body like that before—mostly because I hadn’t seen a lot of it at that point, but also because it would make me turn too red. It felt like an invasion of privacy or something. If the situation had been reversed, I’d feel embarrassed if Yunho drew me like that—never mind that Yunho’s style of drawing turned everything he touched on paper into aliens when that wasn’t even his intent.

He had tried drawing Junsu once at the back of my sketchbook and it still brought a laugh up whenever I accidentally saw it. In Yunho’s defense, it was never really a serious endeavour; otherwise I’d feel guilty for laughing at it. The funniest thing was that he’d even drawn an arrow with Junsu’s name beside it just in case his alien life form was wrongly associated with anyone else.

My study of Yunho soon ended. He may have seemed charming sleeping, but as soon as he woke up, my flat above the café suddenly became filled with noise. First there were groans of disgust at his arm slipping into the small pool of drool on the edge of his pillow, and then came yells after blood started flowing back to his numb arm.

I chuckled when he looked away from his arm and over at me as if I could somehow help him. “Who told you to fall asleep like that, huh?”

He continued to moan as he waited for the strange feeling to pass and then rolled onto his back. I groaned when his eyes slipped shut. “Hey. Don’t go back to sleep!”

“I’m not,” he said. “I’m going to wake up properly so that you can erase that image of me making an ass out of myself.”

“Oh, but nothing is ever going to change that impression of you.”

He sighed with deliberate volume. “So mean.”

“Not mean.” I smiled and moved until I was able to lay my head on his chest and hug his waist. “I just like you the way you are.” He kissed my hair and my smile returned. But it didn’t take long for reality to kill it. I really didn’t want him to leave today. Maybe if I stayed half lying on top of him, he’d be trapped and unable to get ready.

We snuggled for a little bit longer until Yunho said the dreaded words: “Babe, I need to have a shower.”

“I know…” I didn’t want to risk annoying him so I carefully lifted myself off him. I rolled onto my back and pulled the blankets up high.

“Come with me?”

I looked up at him and my heartbeat sped up. The thought hadn’t ever occurred to me.

“Come on.” He walked over to my side of the bed and held out his hand. He was starting to shiver a bit so I quickly put my hand in his and let him help me up.

“Why are you so shy suddenly?” he asked me as we waited for the hot water to kick in.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled. If my cheeks were turning red like how I thought they were, I really hoped he wouldn’t notice too much.

Yunho stepped into the water and pulled me over when he was satisfied with the temperature. His hand found my hips and gently turned me around until his chest was pressed up right against my back in a snug fit. This way we were both able to fit under the streaming water to keep warm.

His hands raked my hair back and away from my forehead and an unpleasant shiver ran through me, setting butterflies loose in my stomach. In a rather ironic move, one of Yunho’s hands left my hair at that moment and slid across my belly. The butterflies flapped their little wings in a frenzy at being touched and I almost wished Yunho had never provoked them.

“So tense,” his voice whispered against my ear. The butterflies fluttered faster at the sound of his voice and I found my breath getting shallower. “Are you really uncomfortable with this?”

“C-Cleaning yourself is so personal. It isn’t charming at all…”

“There’s no rule that says we have to be charming twenty-four/seven, Joongie.”

“It’s a different image,” I spoke quietly.

“Why? Because your skin is shinier? And I can actually see your face because you can’t hide behind your hair anymore?” The hand resting across my stomach held me gently but firmly against him. I remained silent. “JaeJoong, you don’t need to feel self conscious in front of me. Remember what you said to me before? Well, I like you just the way you are as well.”

“I know… I’m sorry.”

Yunho totted. “Not those ‘sorry’s again. I thought we got rid of those.”

I stopped myself from apologizing again and quickly closed my mouth. Yunho was right—it was bad for me to start reverting back to the hopeless boy I once was when I had already taken so many steps forward. The last thing I wanted was to exhaust Yunho with my silly bouts of self-consciousness.

“You almost said sorry again, didn’t you!” Yunho teased and it brought my smile back. “You totally almost did!” he exclaimed again with a grin after peeking at me. “Look at that guilty smile.”

“Stop it,” I laughed.

“I shouldn’t be rewarding you for that but I will anyway.” He reached over to grab my shampoo bottle and started massaging the liquid through my hair. He was absolutely right; this was a reward. It felt so nice. I hadn’t felt this kind of massage for a very long time. Having my lover do it was like sneaking into heaven and not getting caught.

“Ahh. Bet you’re not regretting this shower anymore,” Yunho’s voice teased again from behind me.

“Mm,” I agreed without opening my eyes and he chuckled.

“Wash this part off, babe.”

I did as I was told as he replaced the shampoo bottle with the conditioner. His hands returned and I floated away again.

“Hey, Joongie…” His tone suddenly made my wings grow weaker. “I think it’s about time I warn you about something.” Heaven was growing darker, as if the earth had slipped at a strange axis and blocked part of the sun out. “Every year at around this time, when it’s not quite as cold as it could get and students’ exams are finishing, we get a lot more people coming to our centre. It’s one of our busy peaks.”

I knew already what he was going to say.

“More staff need to be helping out on weekends so…I can’t really avoid being put on the roster next weekend. Maybe even the one after that too. I don’t know. But I usually have been in the past…”

The problem with daring to take a step into heaven meant that one wrong move could get you plunging away into hell. I was already there so he could just say it already.

“I’m not going to have a lot of time to see you soon. It’s just…really bad timing… I never thought that this weekend we’d… That I’d have to be away from you after we…”

I stepped away from him to wash my hair off by myself. I spent longer under the water than before to make sure I washed every bit off. “We don’t live anywhere near each other so this kind of hiatus is expected.”

He let out a long sigh. “Don’t go cold on me. I’m not deliberately doing this.”

“I know. I didn’t say you were.”

“But you’re angry anyway.”

“That is also to be expected. It would be weird if I were to be happy.” I ran the bar of soap over my thighs and washed off the patches of grime that had remained there from last night.

“I was going to tell you when I first came on Saturday but then I got really distracted. I wasn’t using you or anything.”

“Of course not.”

“That didn’t sound convincing.”

“Yunho, please. Back off.”

“I know; I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

“That it’s quite convenient for you have to leave for a while after you finally had me?”

“JaeJoong…”

“I may be an insecure wreck sometimes, but I do believe in you more than that. I know you’re genuinely busy.”

“I said I was sorry…”

“Then just let me finish my shower in peace so it can sink in.”

He wisely stopped talking as he cleaned himself off alongside me. I didn’t like fighting with him when we had limited time left, but he could come on so strong sometimes and back you into a corner.

I stepped onto the bathmat and Yunho turned the water off. I shook some of the water from my hair and wrapped the towel around myself when I was dry. “You know…” I turned to look at him. “I kind of wish you’d told me when I had clothes on.”

He looked apologetic again.

“I mean, if I did want to throw a hissy fit, which I didn’t, but if I had wanted to, it’s kind of hard to be taken seriously when I have no pants on and shampoo in my hair, you know?”

He sighed again and I could see him struggling to hold back a small smile. I laughed for him and then gave him a smack.

“But for the record, JaeJoongie, it wasn’t shampoo. It was conditioner…”

I laughed again. “Oh really?”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t take you seriously in shampoo, but since it was conditioner I did.”

“Oh my god.” I shook my head, unable to stop the grin.

If I had to let the man go for a while, of course he’d make me laugh before he went. It was so Yunho. It was why I was going to miss him like crazy even though he promised to call me a few times after the café closed for the night and when he didn’t have late shifts that left him too exhausted.

Besides, I could never be mad at him for having a life, or for being worried that I might misconstrue his reason for a delayed return—he’d seen how unstable I had been in the past, after all. And, not that he was aware of it, but I really was guilty of once thinking that sex could lead to people abandoning their partner after being completely fulfilled. But back then I had been scared to love him and was too negative about an amazing experience I didn’t even have the right to judge properly. Now I knew that with a person like Yunho, it was something that brought people closer and a real privilege to experience.

I wanted him for as long as I could have him. And to have him, I needed to be patient when he wasn’t always able to be around…

The first few days without Yunho weren’t that bad. I was already used to him being gone for some time after the weekends. I also still felt close to him when my body ached in certain positions. I quite liked feeling the evidence that he’d been in me and gotten closer than anyone in my life.

Then one night when I was sitting on my bed and flipping to a new page in my sketchbook, the café phones started ringing and I knew I’d be able to hear his voice. Small moments of communication with him made me feel much better.

On Friday, when I knew he wouldn’t be arriving for any of the weekend this time, I made a nest for myself on the bed covers and studied the drawing I’d begun of Yunho sleeping. I’d only been able to do the outlines during the week. With just me and my lamp and the stillness of the empty café, I added in greater detail and felt him with me again.

But on Monday, I found myself flipping past my half-finished drawing to a new page.

“Babe, I need to have a shower.”

“I know…”

“Come with me?”

It had already been a week since he’d left, since he’d invited me into the shower with him.

“Why are you so shy suddenly?”

My pencil hovered over the paper and froze as my heart sped up all over again.

“So tense…” The ghost of his hot whisper against my ear sparked heat within my stomach and I could feel his hand sliding over my belly.

I let it stay there as I opened my eyes and began to draw the outline of my waist and his fingers curled over it. I drew the scene from a voyeuristic angle, not the way I had originally experienced it. I wanted to be able to draw his long and slim fingers holding me in a way that each precious curve and dip could be seen and appreciated.

He had lovely hands. They were so strong and yet elegant at the same time. I wanted to kiss each digit now or even just feel the calluses with my own fingers. His touch had been stressful at the time, but now it was all that I yearned for. The best I could do was try and make it come to life on the page.

Changmin had given me a new book to read but it lay unopened on my bedside table all afternoon as I concentrated on my drawing. I only looked up when there was a knock by the staircase and Yoochun’s shadow darkened the floorboards.

“The staff have all gone. It’s just me left. Did you need any help with the cleaning?”

I quickly closed my sketchbook and hoped the layers of shading I had applied wouldn’t smudge. Smiling up at Yoochun, I told him I’d be alright.

“Have you been in here all afternoon? I haven’t seen you at all today.”

“Yeah.”

“Haven’t you heard of the concept of fresh air?”

I shrugged and pointed at the window that was open.

“That doesn’t count,” he drawled. “Have you been out at all this week?”

I nodded. “My friend went walking with me in the park and gave me a book he thought I’d like.”

“Apart from that one time?”

“Two times,” I corrected. “And I also went grocery shopping.”

“Wow, Hyung.” Yoochun came and sat on the bed beside me. “You know, for someone dating an aspiring explorer, you sure don’t follow in his footsteps.”

For some reason that stung a bit. But he was right—how did someone so active and inquisitive come to be with me? Well, I supposed the inquisitive part made sense but it did raise a good question—why wasn’t he bored yet?

“What do I do?”

Yoochun seemed taken aback by my question. “What do you mean, Hyung?”

“I’m so unfit and boring.”

“Umm…” Yoochun let out a chuckle and patted my knee. “That’s a gross exaggeration, my friend. And easily fixed. But I don’t think you need to worry too much about that.”

“For now. But what about the future? When he wants to go to places far away and I’m sweeping a café?”

“Woah, Hyung.” Yoochun grabbed my chin and pulled my face forward until he could leave a kiss on my forehead. “I didn’t think I’d start a freak out fest when I came up here. You’ve clearly been cooped up in here too long today. Your mind has got blinkers on.”

“I can’t help it.”

“I know.” He smiled gently at me. “I know what it’s like to miss someone; to get caught up thinking about just them so you don’t feel quite so lonely. But doing it too much is unhealthy. I finally realized that when Yunho’s sister infiltrated my vocabulary and turned me into a fruit-loop. ‘Good morning, sir, can I get you any HyunAe? Did you want some HyunAe to go on your pancakes? I’m feeling HyunAe today, how about you?’”

I laughed at his well-performed tale, but I was unsure if I even wanted to know if he was just trying to make me laugh or if he really had said such things to the diners. I didn’t want to have to berate him for it. “I’m thankfully not that bad, Yoochun.”

“Yeh, because you don’t talk to many people. If you had to open that mouth of yours more, I know exactly whose name would roll out accidentally in a grave Freudian slip.”

“Nah-ah.”

“Yah-hah. ‘Yoochun, can you please look at your watch and tell me what Yunho it is? Yoochun, I bought too much Yunho, do you want some? Yoochun, you smell lovely today, are you wearing Yunho?’”

“That would not happen!”

“Are you grinning because I’m funny or because I said ‘Yunho’?”

“Oh, shut up.”

Our laughter died down and moved us into a pleasant silence.

“Hyung?”

“Mm?”

“If I can guess who you’re thinking of right now, do I get a pay rise?”

I slowly turned my head to look at him. “No.”

“Then…if I suggested something exciting and possibly life-altering, would I get some time off?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why are you asking me these things, Yoochun?”

“Because,” he groaned, “I’m shy.”

“You’re not shy.”

“Well!” He laughed. “I can’t help it if my charisma blinds you. I actually can be quite shy. Not as shy as you, but still there in the general realm of shyness.”

“Okay…?”

“I guess what I was trying to say was… Well, this might sound a bit too spontaneous and crazy, but maybe we could go on a trip together sometime if I was allowed time off work.”

“A trip?”

“You gave me the idea when you said you’re scared of being unfit and unadventurous. We wouldn’t have to go very far if you didn’t want, but it could be fun. I know traveling makes you nervous but I think you’d gain a lot from it. Knowing you can do it might give you more confidence, like how you’ve given me confidence.”

“I-I’ve never given you—”

“You gave me a job, Hyung. When my parents were calling me a no-hoper and comparing me to my oh-so-perfect brother, you let me stay here even when I kept screwing up and forgetting which people had ordered and which hadn’t and all of that. I thought I was a goner and my folks would have another reason to remind me why I failed at life. Sometimes people just need a chance to grow with some help and experience… And I’d love to be able to help you back if being more adventurous was something you wanted to work on.”

“Yoochun, that’s really kind of you but…you really weren’t that bad. I don’t deserve any of that praise, but thank you anyway.”

“Blind as always…” he smiled. But I guess that’s your charm.

Yoochun’s proposition had been sweet but it had frightened me at the same time. I just couldn’t imagine leaving the town—and leaving it unprotected at that. If someone tried to go to the island, it would stay on my conscience.

All thoughts on the matter were thankfully pushed far back in my mind when I woke up to a new day. That day, like every other, ended as lonely as it had started.

When the phone rang mid-week, I thought it would cheer me up but it only made the loneliness heavier inside of my chest. I could add another week of waiting onto my calendar. Yunho truly was busy and sounded as frustrated as I felt. We had truly been spoilt before…

The next morning, I left the café early to take a walk before too many people appeared. Yunho may not have been here but his influence was. I wanted to get into the habit of walking more. If I was fitter, I’d be able to do more things with Yunho when he finally came back. I could give more to him instead of leaving him no choice but to do the limited things I could do. And this way, I had a goal to work towards that would keep my mind occupied for a while.

Little did I realize when I started out this morning that on the way back from my walk, I would be pulled towards the solution to some of my problems. I had tried fighting it earlier because of my nerves, but it had found me all the same. It was as if the encounter had all been perfectly timed.

“Yoochun.” I quickly stepped back so I wouldn’t smash into him by the café’s entrance.

“Oh, good morning, Hyung. I know, I arrived too close to the start of my shift but the traffic was slower than usual this morning. It was so damn frustrating!”

“It’s fine, don’t worry. But Yoochun” —I didn’t know what got into me but suddenly I was compelled to propose something I had barely even thought about— “if you’re not busy this week, do you want to go on a trip with me? To the city?”

///TBC///

A/N: Road trip??? LOL jk. (LMAO, I really am rusty at this! I upload 30+ pages worth of fic and all I can say at the end of it is "road trip"??? And I kept messing up my update routine by doing things in the wrong order and only realising that when it felt weird. It's scary how quickly someone can fall out of a long-established routine. T__T)

But anyhoos, snaps to Jae for braving something that scared the shit out of him and snaps to Yunho for being so patient. I do hope you found this chapter okay and that it refreshes your memory a tiny bit. As far as I know, we're gonna be plunged into the big stuff very soon so just hang on a little more with the semi-slow pace so far. T_T

To the people who are still here, love to you all! And happy end of 2010. May 2011 be a much kinder year for us and our fandom. <3333