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[personal profile] wild_terrain

(This isn't an update. If I accidentally got people's hopes up, I apologise.)

The Confessions of a Fanfic Writer... (lol)

The Beacon; My Siren... Man, the thoughts I have on that fic.

To make the final chapters the best they can be, I've set myself the task to re-read bits of the 700+ pages I have written thus far. The things you learn when you re-read... And the things you cringe at when you re-read... ergh. I realised I started writing TBMS before the lawsuit and that was so lonnng ago now (sob). You learn new writing tips every day, so I am really struggling to re-read the bits I wrote years ago. Chapter One was so bad I had to edit bits, fix grammar, and re-uploaded it to LJ LOL. It was so appalling to me, I could not let it slide. Every fic writer out there knows what I am talking out--how torturous it is to re-read your old work. ^^;;

I've said this before, but a real downside to writing fanfiction if you upload it before you've written it as a whole is that you can so easily screw it up. During my short time re-reading, I've already had enough hindsight to think: dammmn, I should have cut that whole part out, or gah, that whole arc is unnecessary. It's the kind of thing that you can only see once you've written the whole story/most of the story. But it's too late to fix any of it... (and I suppose that even though some parts are really long-winded, people still like reading it because these days we miss YunJae and want as much of them as we can with no precious time cut out even if being more concise makes a better story lol. Or maybe it's just me).

Anyhoos, my point is that I do apologise that this fic turned out being more complicated than it needed to be. An idea was simple in my head but then when it came to writing certain parts, it wasn't simple. An element that was supposed to be simple, spawned into something I started losing control over. That in turn created an arc that didn't need to be there (I've complained about this to my beta already, but now I am complaining to you, haha). This means that I've had to go with the flow even though I started not liking the flow. That's probably why it has taken much longer to write than I ever thought (seriously, 700+ pages is insane. So many facepalms right now lol).  I once read that a mental block isn't really that you lose a muse, but a sign that something is wrong/isn't working in your story that you are unhappy about. I believe that now.

I will continue writing it to the end, though. Even if I've lost control with some parts, it's still better than an unfinished story. I know writers can't help it, but an unfinished story is probably the worst thing you could ever do. So rest assured, I have a strict policy with myself to always finish what I start--and boy does it work. I've had so many other fic ideas but I've never been able to properly write them because of the voice in my head yelling: CREATIVITY DENIED: FINISH TBMS FIRST! lolll.

With this rant, I guess I just wanted to let you know my current feelings. I normally err over revealing behind the scenes thoughts of fanfics because you can transmit your own thoughts into people's heads (eg: I hate this chapter, this part was all wrong coz blahhhh = the reader can then think, 'oh now that I think about it, that's true. Yuck.'). And the last thing I'd want would be to people to think: yehh TBMS does suck, now that I think about it. LOL. I just could no longer keep my thoughts to myself though. I'm sorry TBMS is so long-winded. I'm sorry Jae is the most fickle person in the world. It wasn't supposed to be this complicated. If I could start again, half this fic would be changed lol. But I can't, so please bear with me. Having said all this, I still adore TBMS. Buried beneath the blah-blah, the themes I wished to convey are still very much there and it's verrrrrrry close to my heart in ways I can't even begin to explain. So TBMS, I love you, I do, I just wish you were better behaved, lollll.

If I become a better writer one day, I'd love to re-do TBMS.

But it still amazes me that despite everything, people still come to my journal to read what I write and feel beautiful things for TBMS. You guys are truly incredible and it means so much to me, really. Thank you to everyone still here on the journey with me. And to the people who took a different path (whether it be from emoshinki, interest in new groups, love for new pairings in other groups, or TBMS wasn't for them), I am sorry to see you go but I hope you've found joy in other areas of your life or alternate fandoms. And to all the newwww people who joined me, god love ya! I hate the quiet so it's nice having people around. =D

That's me, over and out. Wish me luck finishing the last little bit....which isn't little, but compared to the 700+ pages so far, it is. =P

Date: 2012-07-10 04:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sujuhaebiased.livejournal.com
good luck writing!!! Since Im quite new to this fic, and finished it within 2 days period.... lol I didn't actually find any arc or any part that is unnecessary! It's really good! hwaiting!!! it's an amazing story! thank you so much for actually thinking about finishing up the story instead of leaving it unfinished!!! can't wait for the next bits!

ps. just to let you know if i have the time (after summer classes) i would totally re-read it! it's really good and i really enjoy how real the personality of the characters is! great fic!

Date: 2012-07-10 05:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flidi.livejournal.com
You're amazing writer. Your story is totally awesome. Do not doubt your writing skills.
I like this fic (and all the others, which you write), and I hope that you continue it soon.
You're right, we miss YunJae very much, because of this we need the stories

Date: 2012-07-10 05:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] trieze0713.livejournal.com
Whoa, somehow I'm glad that you write this because I feel as if I get to know a little bit more about you as a writer :)
I still think that TBMS is a great fic... yes, there were things here and there that I wish wasn't as complicated but that just made it a bit more realistic than the any other fics I've read.

I've fallen in love with your fics ever since my friend gave me Echo of Dusk & Echo of Dawn -- I even printed everything and bind them so I can read them as books whenever I want to lol So when you started TBMS I was kinda knew that I'd love it just the same. Of course nothing is perfect, I understand how you feel when you read it from the very beginning, but at least you're committed to finish it, which shows your heart as a true writer.

Anyway, I start rambling now hahaha Sill looking forward to the next chapter... and if you ever re-write if again in the future, I'll be sure to read it all over again for sure :) Have a great day!

Date: 2012-07-10 06:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] au-astronomer.livejournal.com
/sobs* I love you too. You're really a great writer. It's a long process but thanks for keeping it up for reader's and your own sake :) I really enjoy all your fics and even bought copies of them so hwaiting!

Date: 2012-07-10 08:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] delias-miso.livejournal.com
I can't wait to read it!!!! :D marathon style hahaha

Date: 2012-07-10 09:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kattan69.livejournal.com
Wishing you all the best in finishing the story!..HWAITING, DEARIE!!!....👍

Date: 2012-07-10 01:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yunho-ism.livejournal.com
i'll stick with this fic 'til the end cause TBMS is amazing, really.
it's not yet completed but it's already one of my ultimate faves.
will continue to wait patiently for the rest of the chapters.
thanks for all the hard work! 700+ pages is no joke! :))

Date: 2012-07-10 04:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chuns-mom.livejournal.com
Hai... great writer, you're 1 of my fave author.
You know I've been reading this fic since the first time you write 1st chapter and till now I always check for your update regulary. sometimes I got upset with you coz you're take too long to update and I just want to forget TBMS don't wanna continue waiting the update anymore. But I ended up with checking your LJ again and again LOL

so please forgive me for my impatience, and take your time to finishing this story.
I believe in you that you will never leaving your reader just like that, and will finish this story coz this story is wonderful and we still waiting you to finish it.

Gambatte kudasai Fi_chan *hug n kiss*

Date: 2012-07-10 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chuns-mom.livejournal.com
oh btw.. sorry if you never see me leave a comment, coz i rarely make one. I shame with my english coz english is my enemy, we never get along together hehe

Fighting Fi_chan !!

Date: 2012-07-10 05:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rainycakes.livejournal.com
Oh I'm still here, bb! I aint goin nowhere! Well, I do go other places...(ya know, to read other things and such, too)...but I always come back! LoL How can I not? Your fics were some of the first I ever read that left an uneraseable impression on me. :) So you began as something of an icon for me. >\\< And Sara, too! We used to squeal over any comments you left on her fic and any replies to comments we left on yours. LOLL And now we've gotten a chance to know you better, so it's even better. xD So of course I'll be reading anything you've written, that I've started reading from the beginning, til the end! And then I'll cry like a big baby when it's all done. Dx

So I'll wish you luck on becoming more happy with Beacon so you'll have better inspiration on finishing it!


Bahaha that turned out a bit bigger than I initially planned. xO

Date: 2012-07-10 11:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smexplicit.livejournal.com
700+ pages, omg. First, thank you so much for continuing this story. I've followed this fic since the first chapter and loved every single one that followed. I cried, laughed, and smiled with the characters. I remember that part where Jae initiated to get it on with Yunho and how awkward it was, I think I never laughed so hard. XD And thise parts where it became so angsty they made me sport puffy eyes like it's a new trend.

The Echo series was one of the first few YunJae stories I read when I first got into the YunJae fandom. I lost count of the number of times I have read that story because it just never gets old. It's a YunJae classic for me, Never fails to make me cry when I need the occasional dose of yunjae angst because it's just so beautifully written! You're a brilliant writer and I hope you won't get tired of writing. :( YunJae authors like you that write wonderful love stories is one of the many reasons why this fandom still stands. They give me hope when I start missing YunJae.

Keep doing what you do and stay awesome! <3

Date: 2012-07-11 09:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kamewomezashite.livejournal.com
you're a good writer, you should publish you works legally! xD
I love your writing, it's not only because it's yunjae, I love your whole style and ideas. looking at you updates, you're a university student right? have you finished college? we're the same age! I admire you more, for someone so young to have this kind of idea, put it to words and end up beautifully is really something.

I'll be sad when tbms is over, I won't have any other fic as good as this (no offense for other writers out there). just promise (me and us) you'll write more and share it here.


Date: 2012-07-11 10:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jadyuu.livejournal.com
Dear ! I totally understand what you mean ! And I wanted to tell you that I read TBMS all over again and that it's always a pleasure to read what you write ^^ The plot is nor complicated, nor strange, believe me. Well it is strange but you know I love fantasy/supernatural/strange stories. After every chapters I really wonder what's going to happen, it's a proof that you're a very talented writer ;)

Already 700 pages of happiness ! OMG I can't believe it. You're story is amazin, all your readers wouldn't have follow you all this time if it wasn't. Don't doubt, don't worry, we'll always be there, supporting you ! I think everyone care for the characters you created. And I personaly can't wait to read more, I always want to read more.

You said : "If I become a better writer one day, I'd love to re-do TBMS." And I say : I'll read it again, then ! But before that, don't forget to edit Echo of Dawn on Lulu :p (naaaa don't listen to me, I know you already have a lot of things to do)

And don't forget : WE.DEFINITELY.LOVEYOU.

Date: 2012-07-12 10:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ochi-iru135.livejournal.com
Maaan this made me realize that this story really has been going on forever (not in a bad way lol) Have I been reading TBMS since spring 2010? Really? I think so... That's TWO YEARS. WOW. (Haven't been commenting that long though.) I wish I had your determination to finish stories... I have finished like one story ever lol (plus some short ones). And the longest was only 22 pages so I really admire you for writing this mammoth sized story!

While on the topic of your old writing (wasn't I on the topic of my own writing..?), I've been wanting to read the Echo series again for a while now. I first read it during the summer of 2010 and then I read it again last summer so I guess it has become some sort of summer ritual that my heart is yearning to fulfill (lolwut?) I might or might not read it again during the following weeks...

Anyway, I hope you'll be able to finish up the next chapter soon because I do not like the place where things left off... But still, take your time! I'd rather read something you've thought out and are happy with than something you've just randomly put together to please impatient dorks like me!

Fighting! :P

Date: 2012-07-13 01:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bishiebe.livejournal.com
Yes, some parts have been a bit of a spiral. But nonetheless your great skills and your creativity are clear. And I am the type of person who gets to hate a fanfiction really easily if it's too fast, or too slow, or too this and too that. But I'm still here, as well ^^ and I'm really not an easy person to please because I have been reading heavy English books since I knew the alphabet.
I don’t think that anything written by a writer is unnecessary; if it’s in your mind, it’s meant to be written! :3

Date: 2012-07-14 05:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shineesoup.livejournal.com
good good luck!!! not that you need it -everything you write is gold! ^^

Date: 2012-07-25 04:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] uw1m4.livejournal.com
gosh! 700+ pages??? longer than the last book of harry potter hahaha... but seriously i enjoy reading your stories so much ... and you should write an actual books/novels and publish them...
you are one of the best ff writers i've ever encounter... ^____^

Date: 2013-06-15 01:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yunjaechoi.livejournal.com
Hwaiting in writing! I've read all the chapters down the list, and I didn't quite find it like… tiring to read I guess! Maybe because I'm a person who minds English Language a lot, because another reason why I don't read fanfics is because the English of some writers are sadly just terrible! But yours isn't, so I appreciated it a lot. Also, thanks for not leaving me in a cliffhanger because I stopped reading at where you stopped last time and I was like, "NOOO!! Damn it, how can she leave me in a cliffhanger (It was where YunJae sort of broke up or something like that)?!", but now you've continued, so I'm super thankful because I certainly cannot leave things done halfway!

Anyways, my main point was that, can you like email me the whole thing if you actually saved it in Microsoft Word or some sort? I know it's ultra amazing if you've written on spot like I do sometimes, but I want the full thing, can I? If you can, maybe private message me and I'll give you my email? Please?

I'm going to re-read the chapters, bye! And I love the beginning where you described the place! It was just that awesome!

Date: 2013-06-21 10:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com

You're very kind, thank you. ^^

Ahhh yes I remember that cliffhanger well.... That was a really bad one LOL! The end of the arc in my mind and it took me so long to write the next chapter *weeps* The things readers have gone through because of my brain... ><

I'm a little confused at what you mean by email the whole thing. Do you mean of what has been written so far? I hand write all of my chapters in various notebooks all over the house and I haven't finished the next chapter yet. I update in here each chapter as they are written. I unfortunately don't have any secret chapters hidden away. I used to be more organised and write a few chapters ahead but I've fallen behind with this fic. T_T

Date: 2013-06-22 09:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yunjaechoi.livejournal.com

Haha, I was referring to sending me everything you've written, but it's okay! Since you write it on notebooks. I admire you, all my stories are written in Microsoft Word >.< And you write them on spot? Wow!

I'll look forward to your upcoming chapters !~
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