wild_terrain: (JJ Believe)
[personal profile] wild_terrain
Title: The Beacon; My Siren
Author: wild_terrain (ie. fi_chan)
Banner (Made beautifully by love_cassiopeia

Chapter: [31/ ?]
Rating: MA15+
Genre: AU
 [FLANGST, mystery, spirituality, romance]
Summary: Philophobia… The fear of falling in love or being in love. I didn’t know such a thing existed until I met him… Kim JaeJoong was my age—a youthful 25 years—and the owner of a popular café, yet he was already known around town as the mysterious hermit who had chosen to completely withdraw from the world. How on earth could someone so young be afraid of loving others to the point of secluding themselves from all human beings? What was he afraid of? What was he hiding? I just didn’t understand it. And by that stage, the need to understand it was all I could think about... In fact, he was all I could think about…

Jung Yunho… For all of my life I had grown up away from the limelight. I couldn’t stand being noticed by anybody, and for a long time I thankfully never was. But then you came and suddenly you were everywhere – waving to me as I swept the café after closing, saying hello to me as you cycled past the bench I was sitting on, helping me carry my groceries inside whilst talking non-stop to me as if we were actually friends… Why are you always around making my heart thump erratically? Why do you even care? The more you try to explore this town, the more I need to step up and protect you from your own curiosity, because I know It is out there and I know It wants to harm you…


Beta = 
supersonicjaz & moon1084 <3

N: I am offficially on holidays until Auguuuust. Hell to the yeh. So I hope you enjoy this update. I'm sorry it took so long. Now that I have a long break from uni work I will be trying extra hart to spit out chapters if my brain is willing to cooperate with me. Special thanks to [livejournal.com profile] supersonicjaz  for helping me look over this chapter. <3


I woke up to my arms covered in goose bumps. Somehow during the night I had wiggled out of my blanket and left my arms exposed and vulnerable to the mornings that were still mostly cold.

I sleepily brought the cover back over me before another shiver could disturb me.

It was too early for the hospital to be really buzzing with noise and for the nurses to come in with the breakfast I had selected, but I found myself too restless to fall back asleep.

My hand automatically slipped under my pillow and curled around cold and familiar plastic. I brought the phone out and lay for a moment looking at it. My thumb hovered over the glass screen but I was too hesitant to actually tap it in the right places to make it light up with our picture.

But I was JaeJoong… And I loved Yunho… It was too late to ever change that. So my thumb moved as it always did to bring me to our photo.

I missed him so much—his addictive happy personality in particular. He was kind of like a drug—I used to be okay without him but now I needed him regularly. Without him around now I felt clammy and anxious and half the person I used to be under his influence.

My fingers slowly stroked across the smooth underside of his phone after the screen dimmed and turned back to black. Feeling the smooth plastic was oddly calming. I didn’t know why. I guess any links to the outside world was a welcomed feeling.

I hated this hospital. I hated all hospitals. I could still remember the smell that every hospital seemed to have even when I wasn’t stuck in one. As a kid I had been in them quite a bit. All I could ever remember was the smell of too many chemicals and my vision filling up with all the tall strangers who walked around and disappeared into rooms. There were so many rooms and I had always felt lost. If it hadn’t been for my father’s hand, the strange corridors would have swallowed me up.

Why had he taken me there so many times when I loathed it so much? I felt like I knew the answer to that but didn’t want to remember. I knew it was to do with my mother. Whenever we went there it was to see her. Dad hadn’t let her stay home when she said she didn’t feel well. I wanted her to be at home so I could see her whenever I wanted and play around her bed. I remembered there had been a little red and grey robot with me. I took him everywhere so I’d never be alone…

Whenever I complained that my mother wasn’t there and I wanted her to be, dad would always yell at me so loud. He held the authority and he said she wasn’t allowed to stay home. I was so lonely without Damien around… I just wanted my mummy there with me. I had no one else to play with, to be around… I missed him so much but I couldn’t go to my mummy because dad would never let me because she didn’t feel well enough.

Then when he took her away and my only way of seeing her was to get lost in the long, white corridors amongst tall, cranky-looking men and women, I didn’t want to go anymore. My dad would drag me there and yell at me when I complained about having to stay.

I had a new reason to hate going there when I looked up from my robot one day and felt frightened by the thin body in the bed. My mummy stopped looking like my mummy. I didn’t want to go near her and I didn’t want to touch her…

She would cry and dad would yell and then I would cry too.

And then my dad told me I didn’t have a mummy anymore because she had gone and I was so angry I threw my robot around until it broke and I didn’t have it anymore either.

There was no one else to go to. For a long time there was no one else to go to… Until he came…

I didn’t bother wiping my face or opening my eyes. At least with my eyes closed I wasn’t in a hospital. I wasn’t anywhere.

I took a few deep breaths but the strong odours around me were too noticeable for me to successfully feel in limbo. I groaned and tried to breathe with my mouth instead. I really didn’t want to be stuck here anymore. The sooner I was back home, the better. My heart couldn’t take much more of this.

I had been here in this hospital once before but not for this long. That had been last year when Yunho had forced me to come after I hurt my arm. I didn’t want to look at the scar on my arm now. Yunho had warned me that I’d have one after I punched through that window and he was right. I had a scar just like his…

That hospital trip had been okay because I had known it wouldn’t be for long and then I’d have Yunho again when he came back the next week. What the hell had I been complaining about back then? It had been just one day and I’d had the promise of Yunho… Now it was one week and no Yunho.

I had his phone though… And technically that meant he’d have to come back and get it. That meant I’d see him again.

But even that just felt so unlikely now. That little technicality was so weak. He wasn’t coming back for a phone. All this phone was now was a souvenir for me. It wasn’t even a very good one—even though it was on I felt nothing but distance; I was disconnected whether it was switched on or off.

Yoochun came back after breakfast to discuss the café with me. He brought news that my most experienced employee was willing to once again stand in my role for the rest of the week. All that was left was my permission and an agreement on his bonus payment.

Truth be told, I knew I had gotten slack with Café JaDe once Yunho came into my life. After my second adopted grandparents passed away and left me their café, it had been all I had. Yunho had distracted me though and given me something else to think about and something else to live for. I felt awful now for my negligent treatment towards the café that I considered part of myself. When I got out of hospital I was going to take proper care of it again.

As Yoochun talked some more, I started to drift away from his voice and played with Yunho’s phone again. I turned it around in my palm a couple of times and traced over the pattern of black and silver stars on the back of it.

It let out a beep and I dropped it onto the mattress in surprise. Yoochun stopped talking and glanced at it as I quickly picked it up again and stared into the glowing screen. A red symbol had been there but it had disappeared before I had had the chance to pick the phone up and see what was written.

I peered closer at the screen in confusion and then found the red symbol much smaller at the top of the screen. “Chunnie, what does that red thing mean?”

He took the phone from me and I watched his face closely. His expression remained unchanging but somehow he looked a little more sympathetic.

“What? What does it mean?” I asked again.

“That box is an indication of battery level. Red means it is getting low. When it beeps it’s an extra warning that it’s close to dying.”

“…Oh.” I forced the quiet sound out through the lump forming in my throat.

He passed the phone back to me and I tried to hide how it shook ever so slightly in my hand now.

Yoochun quickly changed the topic and I tried hard to listen to him but my awareness of the dying phone in my hand would just not leave me. It’s occasional dying beep fit all too well at the hospital. I knew each beep took Yunho a little further away from me. It hadn’t even occurred to me that this phone wouldn’t last forever. I couldn’t even put it on life support because I didn’t have the right cord. Yunho had it somewhere and with Yunho it was going to stay.

Please don’t go! I silently begged it, clutching it in my palm for dear life. I took all I had said earlier back. I didn’t feel disconnected whether his phone was still on or off; I felt really connected. The gateway for communication was still open no matter how small the chance was that it would be used. I needed that hope. Almost as much as I needed to constantly see that photo of us together. I didn’t want the memories in the phone to leave me too.

I might have even cried had Yoochun not still been in the room.


Yoochun looked up at me. “Huh?”

I couldn’t avoid the elephant in the room any longer. “How is he?”

“Oh… Ah…”

“You have to know. You’re in a relationship with his sister. You must have talked to her by now.”


He was doing that thing again—that thing when he knew he had news and was fighting the urge to tell me in case it upset the other party. I hated how he always did that even though we both knew it wouldn’t be hard to crack him when he had that face on.

“Please, Yoochun. You don’t have to tell me every tiny detail, just please let me know if he’s okay.”

Still Yoochun plastered his lips together.

Yunho’s phone beeped again and I was at my limit. “Please, Yoochun. I love him. You know I need to know what is going on with him.”

“That’s why I don’t want to tell you, Hyung…” he sighed. “HyunAe says he’s not brilliant. He hasn’t spoken much to his family… Been a bit bed-ridden. A little bit down. A little lacking in appetite…”

The lump in my throat grew bigger in my throat and I spent a moment willing away the moisture that was threatening to blur my vision.

“It’s a natural reaction he’s going through, Hyung. I think he just needs time and maybe some space. The whole thing’s been a little traumatic for him...”

“It’s all my fault…”

“No, Hyung… I mean, I still don’t quite know what happened, why you put yourself in danger, but…I know you and I know this wouldn’t have been deliberate and this wasn’t your intention because you wouldn’t ever have foreseen what’s happened so…”

“No, you don’t understand, Yoochun, it’s my fault! All of this is my fault.”


I let Yunho’s phone fall into my lap and I buried my head in my hands. “I-I’m cursed,” I choked out.


“Very much so.”

“What do you mean? Everyone had bad luck—”

“Yoochun, stop. I’m not talking about luck, I’m talking about an actual curse.” My hands felt clammy against my forehead but I didn’t remove them. “Do you remember the time you agreed to help scare tourists and locals away from the island I grew up on? It happened there.”

“Oh…” he said softly.

“It happened when I was a kid…” And so I finally found the courage to finally tell another person about my childhood. How I messed with the wrong thing with Damien and it sealed our fate. How it got Damien but I managed to evade it until now but not without fatalities to everyone I loved in the process.

“The longer I continue to evade it, the more it tries to find other ways to get to me, to ruin me and then eventually finish claiming the last person to disturb it. The moment I fell in love with Yunho, he became Its prey too; another medium It can use to get to me.

“That day I was at the beach, I had a false sense of security. Yunho convinced me that It wouldn’t be able to hurt me if all I did was just stand waist deep in the water even though my brother also died in that ocean. But I did stand waist deep because I wanted to surprised Yunho but even waist deep it got me.”

“H-How did it get you?”

“I’m not sure exactly. However it got my brother and my mother and father. No matter how far I walked, I was always waist deep, it never changed. At the back of my mind I knew something was weird but I just kept walking, waiting to see when it got deeper so I could surprise Yunho even more…”

“That man, ByungTae, he said you were out really far…”

“I might have been. I don’t know. It didn’t feel far at all because I was still only waist deep. I stopped, about to give up because I was getting cold, but then the ground just opened up and I fell straight under the waves and couldn’t get back up to the air. It was like…something had somehow been able to hold me back and make sure I stayed under until I had run out of oxygen…"

“Hyung… I…” Yoochun looked so pale and I didn’t blame him. “This is unbelievable. I really don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t need to, Chunnie…”

“No, Hyung! I’m so sorry. For everything. For what happened when you were a kid…how you lost your whole family so quickly… That totally explains your hatred for that island all this time. I had no idea. Truly… And I’m sorry you had to experience all of that. And now too!”

“Thanks, Chun. Your help with everything has always been so important to me. You’ve helped me so much even though you never even really knew the truth about everything until now.”

“Hyung, you know I gladly gave you my help…”

“I know,” I smiled at him.

“Wow, Hyung…” He exhaled slowly. “I might just erm…sit here for a few secs and digest all of this information…”

“Go ahead,” I sighed with a wry smile.

The beep of Yunho’s phone felt impossibly loud in the silent room and both of us snapped out of our thoughts and looked at it again. “How long do I have?” I asked softly.

“I’m not sure. Maybe up to thirty minutes? Less?”

I nodded, torn between picking it back up to treasure every last second I had with it and all the memories it contained, and letting it slowly drain in peace beside me.

Yoochun studied the look on my face and moved his chair closer to me. “Hyung, I know you love him and care for him. And I know it must hurt that he isn’t here right now or even spoken to you since you were hurt…but I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t love or care enough to worry about you. He hasn’t been able to even really talk to his family let alone any of us…” I looked into my lap and nodded.

“I don’t know what exactly is going on in his head but he does seem a little bit traumatized right now. When he was at the beach and got to you, you would have technically been dead. That’s got to affect someone. And he adores you, I’ve seen it so many times; how hard would that have been for him to experience?”

Yoochun had been reverently speaking with his eyes on the edge of my bed but he looked up when he heard the sniffing I had been trying hard to hide. He got up from his seat to hug me and I fell forward into his warmth. I tried not to cling to him tightly but I’m afraid I just might have. He never complained though and let me continue to cry into his chest.

“I never wanted him to go through that,” I whispered in between the deep breaths I kept trying to take that only turned into sobs.

“I know, Hyung…”

“He’s b-been so good to me. I never wanted him to experience that feeling… Feel left behind and alone… I didn’t want that for him, not because of me!”

“It was a very unfortunate accident. But he’ll be okay. You’ll both be okay.”

“He’s not coming back!”

“What are you talking about; of course he’ll be coming back. He might need some space right now but when he’s ready he’ll come to you.”

“He won’t. He’s not going to be back. He might never be able to come back!”

“Why would you think that? He lov—”

“Has he called? No.”

“Yes, but Hyung, he just needs sp—”

“Space is fine but he hasn’t even tried to talk to me. There is a difference between needing space and needing to sever ties. And this silence might not even be solely him. The curse has messed with his mind before, I’ve seen it happen.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know entirely… But I think sometimes that he’s been infected.” I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to compose myself before I continued. “He’s always been drawn to the island, I’ve seen him staring at it so many times. You and I stopped him from going when he was a tourist but even after I told him about my past, I’ve seen him gazing out at it. The look he has in his eyes when he does it scares me. It’s the same look he gets when he tells me, no, insists that my dead brother talks to him in his sleep.”


“Yeah… He says my brother urged him to ‘help’ me. Not the me that is JaeJoong, but Jayden—the name my family called me a kid; the name I bore when all of this started. If he really was talking to my brother, why would my brother always refer to me using an old name that I hate? If my brother was somehow still around, he’d know I’m JaeJoong now. He wouldn’t refer to me with a name that makes me feel pain. And then insult me by saying Jayden needs help!

“I yelled at him for ever thinking that was my brother. He hasn’t brought it up since but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been having more so-called communication since then that he’s been hiding from me. The more he’s around me, the more crazy ideas he gets into his head and, shock horror, one of those crazy ideas ended up with me drowning and him traumatized just as It probably wanted. Yunho’s a fine puppet for It. He blindly believes all the nice feelings he feels with that sweet innocence of his that made me fall in love with him in the first place, but he can’t see that he’s just a puppet. It found his strings and manipulates Yunho so well.”

I could feel my hands starting to tremble again and moved them down to clutch at the edge of my bed cover.

“God! It feels so good to finally be able to say all of this to someone! My mistake was that I thought I could handle all of this on my own… Saying all of this out loud makes things so much clearer. It’s so simple… Yoochun, It’s never going to stop. Not until I at least—”


I held up a hand and gave him a small smile. “I’m not going to go and kill myself, Chun-ah. If I die, who else would be left to warn everyone else to stay far away from that place? When I was a teenager, I promised myself and the family I lost that I would dedicate my life to being a guardian for everyone else so that they wouldn’t go through the things I have. If anything, this incident has reminded me of that. I can’t be selfish anymore. I had a year of peace and…joy…but my time is up now and I’m needed again. It just proved that It’s still out there.”

“What about Yunho?” Yoochun asked slowly. “Where does he fit in now?”

I smiled at him. “He doesn’t.”


“Yunho can stay in his good city, recover and move on, just like he’s already starting to.”

“Hyung, how do you know he’s trying to move on? It hasn’t even been a full week yet and there’s that giant technicality of him loving you.”

“Love doesn’t have anything to do with it. You can still love someone without being with them.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean he won’t try and fight to stay.”

“He’s not trying very hard right now, is he?”


“I know. That sounds bitter of me, and maybe it is a bit, but it just helps my case even more. If… If he does want to fight…for me…by the time he realises it and tries it, it will already be too late. I won’t let him.”

“You say that like it would be that simple for either of you to do!” Yoochun cried out in skepticism. Or maybe it was frustration.

“It has almost happened to us before,” I admitted. “I blocked him and he fought…and he won. But back then I hadn’t encountered It so strongly for a very long time. Everything changed on Friday, I just didn’t realise it until now…”

Yoochun looked like he wanted to argue with that but held his tongue. After a long moment of silence, he softly asked me something I hadn’t thought of and, in fact, hurt to even consider, “What if he needs you?”

“Why would he need me?” I whispered.

“Everybody needs someone. You two are really close. Remember when we went to see him, your first trip to the city? He was having a bad time. HyunAe was worried, remember? But when you showed up, and whenever he’s with you in general, he really improved. He became happier according to HyunAe…”

I closed my eyes and willed Yoochun to stop talking. It hurt to think back to that day when he was so excited and we made love in his bedroom. That damn photo that I had been staring at all week on his phone had been from that visit too. I really didn’t know why I made Yunho so happy all of those times but I had come to accept that somehow I just did and I couldn’t argue with it.

“I don’t want to upset you, Hyung,” Yoochun said quickly, “but I just want you to think about this a bit and not jump into anything definite that you might regret.”

“Why would I regret helping him in the long run?” I asked softly.

“Because you’re both vulnerable right now… And it was a miracle that the two of you met and found each other… A miracle you fell in love, and a miracle that you survived a near fatal drowning. He is the one, from the sounds of things, that really saved you. He found you, he brought you out, and that is the only reason why the paramedics were able to even get to you and know about you. Don’t you owe him a little more than just refusing him if he tries to come back?”

I didn’t say anything. A sigh built up in me but came out silently.

“Maybe he is a puppet like you think he may be,” Yoochun continued, “but maybe he isn’t enough of one if he was able to keep you alive despite the puppeteer wishing the exact opposite on you? Maybe you don’t need to completely cut him off…”

I looked down at the white blanket covering my lap. “I guess there is more I need to consider…”

Yoochun nodded, looking a little relieved.

“I won’t rush into anything. I have at least three more days to think about things in here. But…I’m not sure your points are enough to make me change me mind…”

Yoochun gazed at me sadly but nodded in understanding all the same.

There was a soft click and I knew without even looking that the battery in Yunho’s phone had finally drained. I had meant to at least have one more look at the photo we had taken together that had ended up meaning so much to me in hospital and given me a lot of strength… But maybe that was for the better too. Sentimentality had no place in my decision now.

“I spoke to JaeJoong on Sunday. I told you, remember?”

I stared at my sister and the breath caught in my throat.

Last night memories of Kim Damien had awoken a different kind of hope that maybe my reality truly wasn’t as hopeless as I had believed, and as soon as my sister woke up on Tuesday I went to her.

I still had a lot of unanswered questions when it came to the dreams I had of Damien, but the one thing I did know was that the whole thing was bigger than me. I was just me—another silly human being wandering the planet, but the entity I met in my dreams was powerful. I couldn’t help hoping that maybe that meant this wasn’t the end. Why would Damien have gone to so much trouble to seek me out if the ending was to be so hopeless? A bigger being would have better foresight. In all of my confusion and terror I had completely forgotten about him and what his presence could mean for JaeJoong and I.

I spent the rest of that night recalling all of my dreams with Damien with as much detail as I could. If anything, the mystery helped keep my mind off JaeJoong long enough for me to get some sleep. Then as soon as I awoke the next morning, I pushed myself out of bed, hobbled down to HyunAe’s room, sat next to her on her bed and found out that Kim JaeJoong really was alive.

“It’s so weird, he sounded perfectly normal on the phone…” HyunAe confessed.

It was an odd conversation to have with your pajama-clad legs tucked under a bed cover—Oh, the person you’ve been stuck in a vacuum of depression over has actually been alive this whole time… Happy April fools! Such an important piece of information should not be conveyed whilst two people were wearing pajamas. It was just wrong, like we were discussing the plot of a late night trashy drama. But no, there I was dressed in blue and white strips and hearing in a 97% definite reality that my partner hadn’t died five days ago.

I had no idea how I was able to sit there so calm and stoic when a decent part of my nightmare had just been lifted. Was I just numb?

“I figured the two of you had just had a fight or something and that’s why you had come back early and sulked in your room… So I didn’t stay too long on the phone with him out of…I dunno, some kind of primitive brother-sister loyalty. But he spoke as if it was just a normal day, not as someone who had nearly drowned and passed away…” she said quietly. Her and Yoochun had apparently been discussing such tragic state of affairs whenever I was out of hearing range.

“Oppa…” HyunAe rested a hand on my knee over the bed cover. “I’m so sorry. It sounds awful. Yoochun told me…he told me that you were witness to everything… I knew you couldn’t have been so depressed and lifeless for so long just because of a any simple reason like a fight with someone, but I had no idea it was because of something so horrible!”

I nodded, still not able to conjure up any words that would adequately express anything. Everything had been changed by this conversation but…I still felt like crap. And numb. Wait, could you even feel numb but incredibly crap at the same time?

My sister asked if I wanted to talk about it but I didn’t. I didn’t want to remember it at all. She gave me some more sympathetic lines and then I moved back to my own room when she left to meet with some university friends.

I stood in the middle of my room and looked at the small confines. By my feet sat the lumpy bag that I had thrown onto the floor many days before but had managed to successfully ignore. I knelt down slowly and my hands hovered just above the zipper. After a long exhale I pulled the zip open and gazed at the pile of messy clothing that started to fall out of it. It was about time I unpacked this bag.

One by one, I lifted out my clothes and refolded them into neat piles. I couldn’t help but wish that what I was feeling right now could be so easily unfolded and neatly categorized as well…

There was a low thump and I glanced down at my feet at the object that had fallen out of a rolled up hoodie. It was small and black and rectangular; an item I had once been so excited about.

I tossed aside the hoodie onto my bed and picked up the shiny new phone. I gazed at the black screen for a long moment and finally some emotion started to break free from my numbness. In a surge of anger I lifted my arm back to hurl the stupid thing straight into the wall.

There was no loud, satisfying crash. I looked back and saw the tiny thing still clenched in my hand. So much for smashing it to pieces.

I threw the damn thing back into my empty bag and left it there. Horrors of all horrors, I’d probably have to use it for myself now that my normal phone was far away in someone else’s hands. The irony of it all was really not funny. I couldn’t even laugh it off.

I leapt onto my bed with a force so strong my whole bed started to bounce. I didn’t care that the hoodie I had tossed onto the end of it had now slipped off and added to the mess on my floor. I left it there and then lay down on my back and glanced up at my ceiling.


He’s alive.

The first seed of joy unfurled and relieved tears warmed my eyes.

He had made it. I was so sure I had lost him and in the insanity of mourning and anger I had been one of the last people to know the truth.

Hands flew up to cover my face as more tears flowed. My whole body shook with my silent cries. The world felt beautiful. Life as I had known it was still going on, still possible, and the greatest treasure I had found in it was still with me.

Deep down I knew my life really wasn’t going to be the same as before because I had already changed a lot in those five days… But in this moment of utter joy I didn’t let it bother me. There was time to deal with the changed me later.

I rolled onto my side and cried more freely into my pillow. The soft fabric hugged my cheeks and sung: yes, yes, he is alive.

A little later there was a knock on my door and I peeked out of my fingers as it slowly opened before my permission was even granted. I was surprised to find my mother standing in the doorway. She was supposed to be a work right now.

I hurriedly sat up and turned my torso away from her to wipe my face dry in private.

“Good morning, Yunho.”

I returned the greeting and watched on, confused, as my neatly dressed mother came to sit on my bed. I quickly moved my legs for her. She was holding something in her hand but it was tucked out of view when she sat down and placed it behind her.

“Umma… Aren’t you normally at work now?” I hesitantly asked.

“Mm, yes I am. I was feeling a little ill today so I thought it was best to spent one day at home.”

“Oh…” I nodded and gazed down at my lap. My mother never came into my room for simple chats. The only time she did come in here was whenever she had a complaint to get off her chest. I really wasn’t in the mood for her criticisms today, not when I was still all over the place with my emotions and needed time to myself (god forbid) to sort out my life without feeling shittier about it.

What was she disapproving of now? My slacking off of work? The work that I had been lucky to even find with my sub par, practically non-existent qualifications? Did she somehow already know with that scary brain of hers that my boss currently found me too dangerous and unstable to rely on? And too lacking…

My heart gave a painful jolt and the hurt I had been trying to ignore swooped in and shrunk me. The joyful relief that had flooded me this morning had leaked out and left me with the debris.

“Yunho, I’m worried about you.”

Of course my mother wasn’t in here for a casual visit. I still couldn’t look her in the eye and hoped to hell my cheeks weren’t blotchy in a telltale sign of weakness.

“I’m really worried, in fact. Fortunately, I found out last night what has been going on from your sister. Since you were clearly not going to talk to any of us about it to alleviate our concern regarding your depressing, anti-social behaviour, it is fortunate that HyunAe’s boyfriend was able to spread some light on the situation.”

She was always so clever with her indirect complaints, even more so than with her blatant ones.

“I understand that there was a recent incident involving your friend, JaeJoong. A…challenging incident.”

My boyfriend drowned in front of me and my mother called it a challenging incident. I really didn’t belong in this family.

I felt the anger building up. In hindsight, some of it may have been a little irrational, but at the time it felt very real and appropriate.

My mother had always fallen short in the emotional department. She always stressed about several things at once without mastering the art of sensitivity. The times when she was calm, she was still very reserved with her emotions. I didn’t know if it was a generational thing, having been disciplined a lot by her own mother, but it had meant we had always clashed. Luckily as I got older and understood her better, it had become a little easier to communicate with her without too many arguments.

When it came down to it, we were just very different people. She kept things inside; I flung them out for everyone around me to hear. In my whole life I had only ever really kept one thing inside. It had been there so long I hadn’t even been able to touch it when JaeJoong asked about it.

I had a very different relationship with my mother than my sister did. Over the years I had copped the brunt of my mother’s disdain. As an adult I had accepted it, but as a young boy and sensitive adolescent it had been hard. I was a naturally cheerful person but one person had always been able to get under my skin and undermine that happiness. In a time when I had really needed support, I had been told I was hopeless. I had learnt their message in no uncertain terms that I would never be good enough. If I had anything to be thankful about it was that it had pushed me to break away and become independent long before I was a legal adult.

Right now my mother wanted to discuss what had happened to JaeJoong and I on Friday, but I did not want to tell her anything. If I ever had the need to tell anyone exactly what had happened, and of the agony I was going through, it would be anyone but her. It would never be her that I let inside.

“Yunho, get rid of that poker face that only barely manages to conceal that anger.” My eyes snapped up to her in shock. Her usual bluntness wasn’t all that surprising but her accuracy was. “Lord knows why you’d be feeling angry right now at me when I’ve only been trying to help—”

“Help?” I questioned. “Since when have you ever tried to help me?”

It was her turn to look shocked. Once again, in hindsight my anger was a little irrational and unfair but I was in the moment and fast losing control of the hurt I had been collecting since my childhood. I knew that delayed anger flung at an unsuspecting victim wasn’t all that nice, but the state I had been in at that moment—a dangerous hurricane of conflicting emotions, and terribly stressed with the desperation to talk to my battered boyfriend who may or may not hate me right now—rendered me a hot-headed missile ready to launch and explode.

And explode I did. “You have never wanted to help me if it went against your own wants. The only help I’ve ever received from you was in the form of an army of tutors, and then permission to still stay in this house when those tutors turned out to be a failed investment!”


“There was no mercy from you. I tried so hard to study and do as well as the other kids in those tests and exams. I was willing to spend hours and hours being tutored if it made you happy but then when I realised that their extra lessons would never be enough to really help and wanted a break from it, you just kept me housebound even more and wouldn’t let me leave the table until it was time for me to go to bed. And you’d tell me it all too—drum it into my head that I was a stupid child and an embarrassment to you. It didn’t matter that I was already trying my best if the scores I brought home weren’t good enough for you and your impossible expectations. If those scores were low, you assumed that that meant I really hadn’t been trying my best. I earned those scores! To me they were an achievement even if they weren’t as high as everyone else’s! You shot that notion down pretty quickly though…”

I let out a bitter laugh. “And then when I left high school unable and unwilling to get into university, your scorn followed me around. Did you think that constantly making digs at my incompetence would make me turn around and try ‘harder’ to get into university before HyunAe did? I was actually very aware of the weaknesses you always pointed out, but I was also very aware of my strengths too. So I found a ‘simple’ job I knew I’d be able to do and I was so excited to get it but still your condemnation could be heard loud and clear. Your daughter was topping all of her classes but your eldest child was holding a rope so that people could pointlessly climb up a wall. Either it was a hobby for them to do in their spare time away from their high-paying jobs or they were like me and wasting their life away to act like a child with play toys.

“How long did it even take for you to get over your expectations for me and accept even the slightest that I was actually happy at my job and able to make my name known there, however left of centre my career aspirations were? Maybe when HyunAe started dominating the scores at her university and lessening the shame you had felt when your son was so incredibly stupid and hopeless!”

My mother was left speechless and probably rightfully so. Attacking a mother, an aging lady, with so many things all at once wasn’t very chivalrous or filial at all. I felt bad later but that hurt and frustration that had always poisoned a part of me needed airing. Maybe in a way I was just as emotionally corrupt as she was, abusing people in my own way…

“You were so cruel to me, Umma,” I said much quieter. “You were never supportive of my interests, or my job, or my travel. But I found someone who was the opposite. I found someone who trusted me, acknowledged and admired the things I was good at; believed in me, was genuinely interested in me and the places I had been to in the time I should have been at university like everyone else was. He even visited my work even though he was scared of travel and found what I did exciting. But five days ago I watched him die. And I found out that you were right and I really was terrible at everything I did because even after being trained at the job I have been doing for over six years, I couldn’t revive him when he needed me most.”

And that was the crux of it, wasn’t it? The full impact of what I had almost lost hit me hard and I had to stop to take a few long breaths.

“Yunho…” Was my mother shaking a little?

I was seconds away from crying again but I held it in to make my last point with unwavering shame and certainty. I sat up higher and made sure my mother was still looking me straight in the eye before I continued. “I love JaeJoong. I have loved him for a while. You can add that to the list of things you’re ashamed and embarrassed about, but I can assure you that I do love a man and he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

And there are so many things that could be going wrong right now. I hadn’t seen him for four or five days and I didn’t even know how he was coping, or how he felt about me for letting him down. I didn’t even know if nearly dying had changed his priorities in life so that now he found he didn’t need me or want me around anymore. I could have already lost him in ways that didn’t even involve a physical death. I was here with my judgmental mother and far away from him. The panic I felt at that almost rendered me paralyzed. I was that close to hyperventilating.

“O-Of course you love that boy!” my mother choked out. “You rarely ever visit the same place twice, but you’ve gone up north to see him time and time again. The plans you and Junsu made to always go overseas at least twice a year just stopped out of nowhere. You came back to life and started laughing like a maniac all the time when he came to visit you with your sister’s boyfriend. Give me more credit than to think that I never knew you loved that boy. I happen to be very thankful to him.”

I was a little shocked but I still managed to mumble out a stubborn, “Thankful because I could learn from his ‘tidiness and politeness?’”

“Thankful because he calmed you down,” she corrected, surprisingly unfazed by the bitterness I kept firing at her. “I hesitate to say that he tamed you, but JaeJoong certainly calmed you down. And I was very sorry to hear the trouble he recently went through.”

“Trouble?” I laughed. “It wasn’t ‘trouble,’ it was a devastation. He drowned. He died. It felt like forever that he had died in my arms!”

“So quick to turn anything I say into a reason to dislike me,” she countered in that shaming tone that only parents could ever properly master. “I have no doubt it was devastating and horrifying but you keep focusing on the negatives. You’ve been a dead fish in here for days, rightly shocked and possibly scared because you’re drowning yourself in negativity—“

“Umma! Can you please just…stop!”


“Are you purposely trying to hurt me by using that description after everything that’s happened?”

She looked confused for a moment and then apologetic. My mother, apologetic! “Oh, Yunho, I’m sorry, they just came out. But you are far too stuck in all of the negative memories instead of focusing on the brilliant knowledge that your friend, or boyfriend, is alive. So yes, it was troublesome but not the end of the world. Had I known this earlier, I could have tried to snap you out of this sooner instead of you slowly rotting away and losing grip on reality. Here.” She passed me the thing that she had been hiding from my sight all morning.

It was a photo. A photo of me as a little boy in hospital. I was too tired right now to be surprised (or not surprised) that this was the same photo I had been seeing in my dreams with Damien.

“This photo was taken a week or so after I had watched you plummet to your death over a balcony,” she said as she stared down at my young, slightly chubby from puppy fat face. I was all patched up and looking surprisingly chipper in that photo. As a naïve four year-old, I probably hadn’t understood the seriousness of my situation.

“You were just out of reach and then you slipped. You, ever curious, were trying to look at god knows what. One minute you were there and I was reaching for you and then the next you had disappeared. I looked over that railing and saw you lying utterly still in blood.” She stopped for a moment and closed her eyes. “I thought I was looking at my dead child; one I had been close to saving but had failed to. I think I inwardly screamed for hours. If my defenses slip up I can still see that tiny child, severely injured and motionless… But I choose not to. Instead I focus on the boy who survived it and the man you’ve become since then.” She said that with such soft reverence that I had to look away from the photo and back into her dark brown eyes.

“You’re right. I never approved of your hobbies and habits. I wrongly thought I could squash them out of you. I’m sure I’m not the only mother in the world who wants to see her son safe behind a desk of some sort and not climbing down cliffs or boarding a plane to see unknown places where so much can go wrong and where every visit sparks the question: ‘will he come back alive?’”

“I…I don’t fly to war zones, Umma…” I said quietly.

“Accidents can happen anywhere, Yunho. You’ve been hospitalized more times than your father and I combined in our whole middle-aged lifetimes—and I already have a head start with two stays in the postnatal ward.”

My mother and I stared at each other for a long moment. What an odd feeling to finally start understanding the parts of your mother that always gave you grief in the past. To recognize that the acts of cruelty a mother made her son endure had been out of fear… The fear of a repeat of her young son’s near fatal accident if the adrenaline he starved for in sports and traveling were allowed any power…

“I think I did go too far though,” she said softly. “When you were younger, I wasn’t always fuelled by altruism. I did get a bee in my bonnet, along with your father, about the expectations we had for our eldest child and only son. I was wrong. I’m sorry, Yunho…”

I nodded, incapable of words. My eyes drifted down to the photo in my hand. Right now I felt like a child again, even without the aid of the photo. I still didn’t think I’d be able to completely trust my mother with myself and my feelings anytime soon, but maybe I could try harder to have a better relationship with her at least…

I trusted her enough for now to at least really reiterate the main issue taking up my heart now—how serious I was about JaeJoong. I was determined to let her and my father know that I’d never let their whims sabotage my relationship with him. It was sad but in some ways he felt more important to me than even them…

“I know he’s special to you, Yunho. I’m too old to understand things like that but, well, we learnt a long time ago that when it comes to our free-thinking son, nothing is ever completely mainstream,” she said with a small smile.

“I don’t deliberately do things that aren’t ‘mainstream,’” I replied, trying to take control of my hackles.

“I know. It’s just who you are. We’re really not all that different though, are we?” She smiled a little wryly and then nodded towards the photo in my head.

I slowly nodded in agreement.

“If you’re anything like me, this incident with JaeJoong is something that will be on your mind for a while. The memories might replay a bit, and the guilt…it may eat you a bit as well, but pointing fingers at whose fault it is, is now long irrelevant, and dealing with the aftermath of what has happened is what is important. He’s alive just like how you are alive. He survived through that accident thanks to you.” Something changed in her expression and I found myself locked in an intense gaze with her. “My son saved someone’s life… Do you know how proud that makes me?”

I swallowed and found myself giving a slight nod.

She rested a palm on my knee above the bed cover and gave me leg a small squeeze. “I am proud of you. And I do want you to be happy.”

“I didn’t…” I swallowed again. “I didn’t really save him.”

“Yes you did. You were there,” she said simply.

I was getting credit for doing nothing now? My teenage self could have growled at that. Was my mother mellowing or did she just feel sorry for my rather pathetic state right now?

“If you ever need to talk about what you’re feeling and going through right now, you can talk to me. This old girl’s been there—although, in a different time and in another context…”

I nodded, smiling a little. “I’m sorry…belatedly,” I said with a wry smile, “for scaring you so much when I was a kid. Had I known how awful it felt, or been capable of perceiving things with an adult brain back then, I wouldn’t have satisfied my own curiosity over my safety when you could be hurt so bad…”

“What do you mean you apologise for scaring me when you were a kid? Just when you were a kid?”

I smiled again with the barest hint of a chuckle in my chest but didn’t say anything.

“Your sister has been very worried about her biggest and most beloved role model, and so have your father and I. All of this moping and no eating cannot continue, young man. I was hesitating over interfering again in my adult son’s life but this is called an intervention, so it’s not interfering and therefore very much allowed.” She gave me another smile and I gave a weak chuckle back.

“Okay, Umma… You can have your intervention.”

I knew my mother wasn’t faking her concern for me. That feeling was only reaffirmed later when I found out that the reason my mother had taken Tuesday off work was really to be with me and not because she felt ill.

In that strange way of hers of concealing emotion, she never admitted that she had taken the day off work for me to my face, but I felt that carefully hidden maternal nurturing all the same. It felt nice…

And so that Tuesday morning, another piece of my depression broke away without my noticing and I felt for the first time in days that maybe everything really would be okay. I may have still been a wreck, but I could feel that the bits of flame within me that were forever Jung Yunho were still alive. My inner flame had somehow survived through the major dousing of water that had almost destroyed me during Jaejoong’s near fatal drowning.

After my mother left my room, I got up to take a long shower. As the warm water trickled over my skin I let myself smile again.

Jung Yunho was back.


Yeh yeh, I know…last time Jae was hopeful and Yun was crushed, and now Yun is hopeful and Jae is thinking bad thoughts but... Sigh. At least Yunho is finally looking like a man again. Rawwwr. >D

In case the feeling hasn’t been properly conveyed yet, yes we are heading towards the climax. Not straight away, but still heading up. ^^

So I’ve been thinking about the length of this fic and the things left to still be dealt with and with my (usually crappy) estimation skills, I am hoping to have this fic wrapped up before I reach 40 chapters. My challenge is to actually stop writing so friggen much and actually stick to my goal, haha.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting guys! Love to you alllll~ <3

Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>

Date: 2011-06-06 04:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] irerd-taga.livejournal.com
I'd finished reading so much earlier but got distracted by housework and tv!
But here I am now reporting for duty!

Now it's Jae's turn to have negative thoughts and wanting to break off ties with Yunho! He's thinking the curse is raising it's ugly head again eh. Good thing Yoochun was there to make him rethink! Hope Yunho gets to Jae's side asap to totally make Jae reverse his decision.

Yunho's convo with his mom shed a light on her unfavourable behaviour towards him. Hopefully their relationship will get better form now onwards.

Now that Yunho knows Jae is still alive, he should go post haste to Jae's side and make serious love to him! Lolz~~

Good job Yoochun!

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 10:12 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-06-06 01:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yozora-yume.livejournal.com
YUNHO'S FINALLY BACK!!!!!! <333 gosh bb, you made me squeal when I saw this update 8DD but I'm really glad you updated! anw, back to my comment;

this chapter is as osom as the previous ones! although I'm worried for Jae, his own stability is crumbling down every second he spent away from Yunho. The phone providing him with that photograph of the two of them died too ;___; I was teary eyed when I read about the battery dying just like that and I know it's stupid bec I'm crying over a dying phone but whatever. I'm glad though that Yunho's mother knocked some sense into her, at least we have one man back, Jaejoong's the only problem now. I really hope he wouldn't give Yunho such difficult time! oh by the way bb when you say its nearing climax does it mean Damien's appearances in ho's dreams will be explained? I hope so. ;;

okay that was long.....was I too affected? rofl anyway, thank you so much for sharing! looking forward for more!! <33

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] 1stepcl0ser.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-06 08:16 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] yozora-yume.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-07 04:58 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 10:35 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-06-06 01:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] trieze0713.livejournal.com
*sigh* I'm trying sympathize towards Yunho but found it hard. And I can't blame Jae for giving up on the relationship. I just hope that in the end both of them are still together.

Anyway, hopefully Yunho will make it up to Jae as soon as possible, or I'm very sure he's losing him on that day.

Thanks for updating! :)

Date: 2011-06-29 10:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
Ooh really? How interesting. ^^

Mm, all that matters is that they can work it out together.

Yun better run fast then lol~

Thanks for your comment~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 01:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gu2duck.livejournal.com
joongie please reconsider n yunnie, 'am glad U r back! NOW fly to your baby quick b4 he made up his mind!!!!!

Date: 2011-06-29 10:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
Yehh Jae's been thinking too much. Stop it, Jae! ^^;;

Yun better grow wings or hijack a helicopter, right? loll

Thanks for your comment~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 01:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yunho-ism.livejournal.com

Date: 2011-06-07 01:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yunho-ism.livejournal.com
so glad that yunho finally came back to his senses. it sure took him quite a while.
awww... and it's nice that he was able to have a nice long chat with his mom.
in life, i guess parents really differ with the ways they express their affections.
but now, jae's the one on a slump. :( i hope yun visits him soon so they can mend this.
i missed this fic! thanks a lot for the update. loved it as always.^^

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 10:39 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] yunho-ism.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 11:41 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 11:44 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] yunho-ism.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 11:54 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 10:41 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-06-06 02:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] riseofnoona.livejournal.com
First, thank you Yoochun. I'll send you cookies <3

Then, HyunAe, dear, GO KILL YOURSELF. Gosh what a useless sister ! If i ever saw one of my brothers in this state, and dating his boyfriend's bff, I WOULD HAVE JUST THREATEN HIM TO KOW THE TRUTH THEN PUT SAID BROTHER IN THE FIRST TRAIN TO GO SEE JJ. CAN'T YOU USE YOUR HEAD ??

*breateh in, bretahe out*

Ok, i'm calm now. But her stupidity....GRRRRRRRRR

Hope you'll give us more hope in the next chap è__________é

Date: 2011-06-06 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1stepcl0ser.livejournal.com
Lmao, your comment xD

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 10:46 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-06-06 02:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] egbfly.livejournal.com
meee :)

Date: 2011-06-29 10:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
Hope you liked. ^^

Date: 2011-06-06 02:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mitsui-tsuru.livejournal.com
oh God, i just read one chapter and i can feel the turmoil and emotionof this story, kyyaaa, this is beautifull, why i never found this?? (oh yeah i am new to lj, thats why *facepalm*) will be reading from the 1chapter!!!
Hello, new reader here (bow head)

Date: 2011-06-29 10:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
Heeyaaa! haha~

You are starting back to front? That's an interesting method, lolll! Hope you enjoy it. ^^

Thanks for reading~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 02:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yunho1205.livejournal.com
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!! SPOT!!!!

Date: 2011-06-06 10:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rainycakes.livejournal.com
Oh? Jung Yunho is back? Well that's good...NOW GET YOUR SORRY ASS OVER TO JAEJOONG! LIKE NOW! LOL! Oh man...I hope he can get to Jaejoong and talk to him about everything before Jae really goes off the deep end with this curse talk. :O

I mean...I, of course, believe Jaejoong, and I know he went through a lot in his childhood which has formed the way he thinks now, but I don't want him to shut anyone out again just because he feels he is saving them by not getting close. :(

Ugh, ok, I'll be honest; I want more YunJae smex!! Bahaha! Always the perv~ ;) No, but seriously. I want them to be together~ And be happy~ :)

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 10:54 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] rainycakes.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 04:16 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] yunho1205.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-07 10:08 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 11:10 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-06-06 02:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kattan69.livejournal.com
Spot saved for Chloe and myself...^-^

Date: 2011-06-06 03:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kattan69.livejournal.com
In the beginning, I feel like wanting to slap Yunho many times so that he can 'wake up' from this ridiculous nightmare of his....*sigh*....at least I don't need to do it now....thanks to his mom's intervention.

Just hope he is not too late to make amends to his love.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 11:17 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-06-06 02:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] youinmyjumpsuit.livejournal.com
Oh Jae, stop thinking like that!! :X
And what a revelation about Yunho.. He was keeping so much bitterness in him when his mother actually understood him after a short battle of accepting his son's passions in life..

Date: 2011-06-29 11:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
Mmhmmm. You tell him. Someone needs to buy him a Sudoku or something so he can distract his brain lol.

Yeh, Yun had been hiding some hurt in him that only occasionally peeked out until it got stirred up big time by the accident. *hugs him*

Thanks for commenting~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 03:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] linhchipham.livejournal.com
Will be back later ^^

Date: 2011-06-29 11:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
hehe hope you enjoyed. ^^

Date: 2011-06-06 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steffiluvlife.livejournal.com
Wheee~ hello! Saw the update and literally scrambled here
"I felt nothing but distance; I was disconnected whether it was switched on or off. "~ i was breathless at this description, just felt so 'connected' to this line~ perhaps reminding me of my own insecurities..

JUng yunho is back! Yes omg! Loved how he managed to get all of those pent up frustrations, holler it out of his system and learn more about his mum. Wonders if that'll happen to me in the future lol~ hoping he'd get to Jae soon... Cos I'm a little afraid of Jae's resolve atm tbh.. Oh well...

Wonderful chapter bb<3

Date: 2011-06-29 11:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
Awww really? *huggles* Damn those insecurities. T_T

Whooo. And he better stay back too! haha

Ah, we all have our own insecurities and problems. I wish you luck with yours. Keep your chin up. And remember I think you're great. ^_^

Mm, Yun better get his skates on. ^^;;

Thanks for your comment~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 03:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] doramaholic.livejournal.com
hmmm i hope yunho finally go to jae before it's too late. jae's already about to give up on their relationship. not that i blame him.
ah and yunho's relationship with his mom... at least that one's been fixed. yunho has so much angst in his life. lol

Date: 2011-06-29 12:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
Mmhmm, Yun better get his skates on. Jae's had a tough time too so yeh, it's understandable that he'd be sensitive to these things...

Yeh, it's always nice to have some of your insecurities cleared up and worked on. Hopefully in time we can eradicate a lot more angst. ^^;;

Thanks for commenting~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 04:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] swallowtt.livejournal.com
yay! SPOTTO! :D

Date: 2011-06-06 09:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] swallowtt.livejournal.com
finally, yunho has awaken from his previous mess of self depression. *cheers* now, all he has to do is save jae from falling back into his old hermit self. the mother-son talk is nice. glad to see that cooped up emotions have been revealed and somewhat relieved.

what is this about yunho seeing a pic of himself as a kid in dreams with damien? have yunho and jae met before in the hospital somehow when they were kids? could it be destiny that they are together? ;) or perhaps, yunho is linked to jae's family curse? i shall await patiently for ur next update. this is great! ^^

and...that phone sure has a long battery life...for it to be played with by jae for a week. XD

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 12:06 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-06-06 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ch0cola.livejournal.com

Date: 2011-06-29 12:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
LOLLL Rami's gone all crazy. XDDD


Date: 2011-06-06 05:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] minniesaranghae.livejournal.com

But God, last time it was Yunho making me bawl my eyes out. This time it was Jaejoong, why do you do this to me? Stop being evil, Fi :P

I'm worried about Jaejoong though :( his insecurities and fear could possibly be worse than Yunho's in the last chapter. But just like Yunho had Su, I'm glad that Jaejoong has Yoochun. I'm scared to think what would be going through that boy's mind if he didn't have Yoochun calming him down! I just hope these negative thoughts don't get any worse.

Everything will be okay soon, right? It has to be! Rawrr! D:

Can't wait for the next update, bb! ♥

Date: 2011-06-29 12:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
I knowwww, right! Aigoo. XD

Gahh, I'm sorry... I spoiled everyone with too much fluff before. *shifty eyes*

Aish yeh, Jae can be really stubborn too so Yunho may be screwed if he doesn't hurry lols.

Soon? Maybbe. Depends on what you consider soon. LOLL jk jk. No spoilers. XD

Thank youuu Jazzie~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 05:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] changminie.livejournal.com
waaaaah... the mother converation made me cry :')
But not to worry.. I still adore your work.
DAMNIT! When Yunho finally gets his act together JJ starts fallig apart... I hope they'll be able to fix it.
YEY I have hollidays too!

Date: 2011-06-29 12:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
Awww~ *huggle* The relationships between parents and their children can be quite tricky. I suspect a lot of people have some kind of difficulty. ^^;;

I seem to like my ironies, don't it? haha

It's YunJae, dear! They are too awesome not to find ways to fix things. >D

Thanks for commenting~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 06:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shigai.livejournal.com

I'm posting a comment here to tell you I am a coward, and I think I'll wait until you post another chapter or 2 to read them all in a go. LOL. I need instantaneous healing after reading angst xDDDD

But don't ever imagine I'm not reading your fic! It's the only one keeping me around <333

... well, I'll be back? %D
*runs with tail between the legs* *and no, that wasn't meant as a porn thing, so wash your thoughts, young lady!*

Date: 2011-06-06 06:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shigai.livejournal.com
PD. Best icon ever. I know. ♥

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 12:16 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-06-06 06:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] takelo14.livejournal.com
YAY!!! god i was waiting for this update for so long \>u< /
i loved this chapter!!! im glad that yunho finally found out jae is alive and i really hope jae starts being more positive soon :)

and as always, update soon bb ^_^<3333

Date: 2011-06-29 12:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
Wahhhh really? I always wish I could update faster. *scowls at weak brain*

Mmhmmm, we have a weapon left against Jae's mind with Yunho back in action. *nods*

Thanks for your comment~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 06:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jaeismine.livejournal.com
I wanted to scream to yunho 'YAH WHY YOU TOOK SO LONG?! Come on come to jae!' then to jae 'YAH YOU CAN CALL HIM! DON'T BE A SISSY' lol I just impatient..

Date: 2011-06-29 12:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
hahahha!! At least both are being scolded then. Bet they are pouting now. XD

With Yun back in action we might get some...action. LOL!

Thanks for reading~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 07:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jadyuu.livejournal.com
You updated T_T *happy*

So, things are becoming more and more interesting ;) And well, Jung Yunho is back, he clearly MUST run to Jaejoong, because Jaejoong is becoming the "old" Jaejoong again, thinking about bad things and all. It's no good.

Aw I miss yunjae, but when they will be back together, it will be more awesome, if possible, lol.

My favorite part was the conversation between Yunho and his Mom. It was so real, I think a lot of people will be able to see themself in this passage. It was my case and I loved it. ;)

Now, they will have to meet again, AND find a way to stop the curse. fighting !

Thank you my dear Fiona ! I was missing TBMS so much T_T

Date: 2011-06-29 12:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com

Things are always interesting. LOLLLLL jk. XD

Aish, I know, I know. Yun needs to get his skates on (ooh I know that is just a saying but I just pictured Yun ice skating to JaeJoong now coz of Kiss & Cry, hahah~) and snap Jae out of it.

Hmmm yeh, the relationship between parents and their children can be interesting. I think a lot of people might have some kind of issue with their parents. ^^;;

I'll try my best for the future chapters... Thank you for reading, bb! <3

Date: 2011-06-06 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] iamai.livejournal.com
One is about to move on... the other one just came out to his senses.
Dammit Yunho, go to Jae now before its too late...

Date: 2011-06-29 12:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
Hahhh, pretty much. I seem to be a fan of ironies, don't I? lollll

Yup yup, Yun better hurry up and get his skates on. ^^;;

Thanks for commenting~ <3

Date: 2011-06-06 08:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1stepcl0ser.livejournal.com
Oh myyyyy :(
Why, Jaejoong, why???? I really could cry right now. The things Jae said.. He can't ush Yunho away, he can't send him away or keep him out of his life. That's soooo not right :(

Finally Yunho is getting better, and now Jae is getting all down and hopeless??? He should listen to Yoochun!!! Yunho loves him, and needs him, and so does Jae ;___;

I loved the conversation between Yunho and his mum. It was sooooo great, really. I'm relieved that some things were cleared up between those two. It was 'nice' to see how Yunho's mum had to suffer because of such a situation, too, and how she tried to cheer him up!

Btw, I wouldn't mind 50+ chapters XDD I bet there'll be more thsn 40 XD
And yaaaay for vacations --> this means I can hope for the next chap soon again XD

But still, the situation with Jae/his thoughts are depressing me ; _ ; He shouldn't push Yunho away.. But I bet he wouldn't be able to, since Yunho would fight, and Jae needs him xD

Can't wait for the next chap!! *huggles* <3333

Date: 2011-06-06 08:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1stepcl0ser.livejournal.com
Oh, btw, I hope they will finally meet up in the next chapter!!!!!!! T^T Jae just can't give up this relationship O_____O Oh God, please tell me he won't T_____T

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 12:36 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] 1stepcl0ser.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-07-04 08:29 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-06-06 11:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] egbfly.livejournal.com
Yun is collecting the pieces of his shattered emotions now.. I hope he can make it fast to Jae.. before Jae could make up his mind and shut Yun off of him.. Jae is desperate after a long time with no Yun.. not knowing why he would be left behind even if no death has been involved.. all his family one by one left him behind because of death took them away.. but Yun has been taken away from him and he is still alive.. and that maybe will lead him to take the awful decision..

ahhh~ thanks a lot for the update.. <3333333333

Date: 2011-06-29 11:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com
hahaha I replied to your 'spot' and forgot you wrote another one. XD

Aww wow that's a really nice was of explaining Yun's situation. Yun sure better get a move on. *pushes him*

Mmhmm, Jae's past experiences aren't helping the current situation. He needs to stop thinking so much. T_T

Thanks for your comment~ <3

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] egbfly.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 11:43 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] wild-terrain.livejournal.com - Date: 2011-06-29 11:46 am (UTC) - Expand
Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>
Page generated Sep. 25th, 2017 02:21 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios